


pick me, choose me, love me

by superdanys



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Canon Trans Character, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Alternating, Unrequited Love, but it’s not the main characters sorry, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24599710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superdanys/pseuds/superdanys
Summary: David and Matteo aren't sure when it happened but they like each other.But, they haven’t told each other because they don’t want to ruin the friendship.What happens when they both think the other is in a relationship with someone else?
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck)
Comments: 48
Kudos: 122





	1. i don't wanna make you feel bad but i've been trying hard not to talk to you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saddergaze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddergaze/gifts).



> hellooooo! I started writing this a couple months ago and I’ve really enjoyed it so I hope y’all do too! 
> 
> thank you to my best friend Renee, my unofficial beta reader 😚
> 
> dedicated to [saddergaze](https://sadder-gaze.tumblr.com/)! Thank you for being so nice and encouraging! good luck on your exams 🤞🏾💖💖

“Pick me,” the blue eyes were staring at him so intently, and he could feel the tears forming in his. “choose me, love me.” 

David was confused. Why was he saying this to Matteo? Where did it come from and why wasn’t Matteo saying anything? 

“ _Pick me. Choose me. Love me._ ” The words echo through his head and David watches as Matteo disappears.

“Matteo?” He called out, panicked. “Matteo!” David spins around on the spot, but he can’t find anyone. He was gone.

He pushes through the doors and frantically looks to the right and then to the left, catching sight of Matteo turning a corner. 

“Matteo!” He shouts, running after him as quickly as he could but he can’t catch up. His feet are stuck in one spot and he watches as Matteo sidles up beside someone. He smiles so softly down at her and she smiles brightly at him and then Matteo wraps an arm around her shoulders and she wraps her arm around his waist and they turn to give him such a pitying look and he wants to scream. 

David feels an ache in his chest and then he wakes up. 

He’d never been so relieved to see the ceiling of their living room that welcomes him back to the real world. The screen on his laptop is asking him if he’s still watching Grey’s Anatomy and David sighs, running his palm across his face and rubs his eyes in annoyance. 

It was just a dream. He fell asleep watching a show. That explains it. 

But also, Matteo had been spending a lot of time with Sara. Heads close, whispering secrets that no one else knew, and apparently, David was taking it to heart. 

_They’re cute together_ , David thinks as he closes his laptop and places it on the coffee table, he has to admit that. Sara was a sweet girl and Matteo was a sweet boy, they fit each other very well and David was happy for them! 

Except that David has liked Matteo for a long time now and hasn’t known how to tell him or even if he should at this point. 

“Did you have a bad dream?” He hears Laura ask from the kitchen and David feels his cheeks getting red from her question, sure that he’d been talking in his sleep. He pushes himself up from the sofa and walks over to the kitchen, settling himself in one of the chairs to watch her while she cooks. 

“I guess you can call it that,” David answers after a while, sighing again. 

_Pick me, choose me, love me._

Could he be more pathetic? 

“You really should just tell him you like him. You never know, he might feel the same way.” Laura tells him, her voice soft. 

“What! _No._ I can’t tell him that.” 

Laura rolls her eyes, expecting the denial. She’s said this to him many times and has heard the same response every time. “David you know you like him and I’m like 90% sure he feels the same. You two are basically dating anyway. You hold hands, you always ditch someone else to go to each other, you have sleepovers _in the same bed_ and I won’t even mention the state I found you both in that one time. How long until one of you says something?” 

He blushes, remembering how Laura reacted when she found them cuddling in his bed one night. It hadn’t started that way but it was usually how they ended up. He was usually warmer than Matteo, it couldn’t be helped. 

But then, he thinks back to his dream, to Matteo smiling at Sara. He remembers how cozy they looked the past week, Sara whispering in Matteo’s ear and Matteo’s cheeks turning red at whatever she said to him and he feels his head shaking. “I don’t think so, Laura.” 

Laura groans and shakes her head, “Aren’t you supposed to be smart?” She asks him and David scoffs at her. 

“I am smart,” He protests and she rolls her eyes again. 

“Not when it counts.” She says and turns back to focus on the food she’s making. 

David rests his chin on his arm and thinks about his dream again. How could Matteo choose him when he wasn’t even an option? The triangle he was imagining himself in was a straight line starting at Matteo and ending at Sara with David nowhere in sight.

_Fuck._

_  
_ _• • •_ _  
_

The next morning while he’s getting ready for school, David decides it’s best to give Matteo and Sara space. 

That night he’d had the dream again and this time Matteo was staring at him completely amused. Like he found it funny that David had the audacity to tell him to choose him. He didn’t like the thought of confessing his feelings to Matteo and being rejected and treated as a joke. In his heart he knew that Matteo would never do that to him, they’d been friends for too long and Matteo was far too gentle to even come near reacting that way, but David wouldn’t risk it anyway. 

So, when he sees Matteo at school walking towards him he quickly turns the other way hoping Matteo didn’t see him. When it’s lunchtime, a time he enjoys very much since he and Matteo had lunch at the same time and often spent it goofing off, David texts him and tells him he has to study and can’t make it. 

It continues to go on this way until Matteo finds him in the library a few days later, a brown paper bag in his hand, a sad smile on his lips, and a determined set of his shoulders that David recognizes immediately. 

“Hey,” He says to him quietly so the librarian doesn’t kick him out.

“H-hey,” David stutters, stunned from the effect the mere presence of Matteo has standing in front of him after just a few days apart. 

“Can I sit?” Matteo asks but he sits before David can give him an answer. 

David watches as he opens his bag and pulls out a simple sandwich and two small bottles of juice. He hands one to David and splits the sandwich in half, offering the other to him and David accepts, knowing that Matteo would not take no for an answer. 

“You’ve been studying quite a bit,” He states and David just nods, taking a bite of his sandwich and watching him carefully. _Is he upset?_ “Shouldn’t you have all of this down by now?” Matteo asks after a while, gesturing at David’s notes.

David, at a loss for words, just shrugs and chews slowly. 

Matteo looks away, the frown deepening on his lips and his eyes sadder than David had ever seen them. He’s quiet for a long time before he speaks again and it’s long enough to make David worry. “Did I do something wrong?” He murmurs, finally shifting his sad blue eyes to meet David’s. 

“No!” David shouts and he flinches when he hears the librarian loudly shush him. “No,” He says again, much quieter and keeping his eyes steady on Matteo’s. “You could never,” David lies. 

Matteo doesn’t look like he believes the last bit, but he nods anyway and his shoulders relax. He would never push David if it was obvious he was avoiding something. “I just feel like I haven’t seen you in so long and,” He pauses, “I miss you.” 

“I miss you too,” David responds quickly and pushes his fingers through his hair, and Matteo’s cheeks go red. “I’ve just been busy with studying and stressing over exams and Neuhaus said something really stupid and I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you, I just needed a moment.” It wasn’t the complete truth, but it wasn’t a lie either.

Matteo nods - this he understands. Usually, when he needs time, he wants someone there with him but David usually likes to actually be alone. Matteo doesn’t quite get it but he doesn’t question him. Instead, he asks, “What did Neuhaus say?” 

“Doesn’t matter,” David responds, remembering the unpleasant conversation with his PE teacher and then the meeting that followed after with the principal, his teacher, himself, and Laura. “It's sorted now but it was just a little upsetting. I’m fine now.” He pauses and watches as Matteo thinks over his words. 

“Okay,” Matteo says after a few seconds, choosing again to not push him. “I’m glad it’s all worked out.” He adds, giving him his softest smile, and David thinks his heart stops. 

_Pick me._

“What have you been up to?” David asks, pushing the dream away.

“Actually, mama is leaving for the weekend and Sara suggested a small get together and I wanted to personally invite you,” Matteo informs him.

“You’re having a party?” David asks, surprised. _Sara’s suggested?_

“A small get together,” Matteo corrects him, smiling sheepishly. “It’s just a few of unwinding from the pressures of Abi, nothing huge at all.” 

David nods, “You and Sara have gotten pretty close, huh?” He hopes the jealousy isn’t evident in his voice and he guesses it’s not when Matteo doesn’t comment on it. Thank goodness.

_Choose me._

“Yeah, I guess?” Matteo says, sounding unsure, and his cheeks turn pink again. 

David didn’t understand the jolt that went through him, why his first instinct was to decline the offer and leave. Or to respond as pettily as he could to punish him in some way. But he doesn’t and he pushes the thoughts away, embarrassed that it even crossed his mind. Instead, he forces himself to nod. “I’ll be there.” He tells him and Matteo’s smile is so brilliant David has to look away. 

_Love me._

If Sara could make him smile like that, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.   
  
  
_• • •_

It’s awful and David wants to go home. 

Matteo expected the get-together to be just that but when Sam, Kiki, Carlos, and Abdi got involved...well it quickly went the other way. There were lights and cups, and people from their school everywhere and the music was very loud. David was sure Matteo’s neighbors would say something soon but if Matteo didn’t say anything, why should he? 

His first instinct when he got to the house was to find Matteo like he always did no matter where they were. He’d done the usual rounds, greeting all his friends and stopping to chat with them when they seemed keen. 

He was almost at Matteo when he noticed that Sara was hanging off of his shoulders, a lopsided smile on her lips. Matteo had looked up and met his eyes, gesturing for him to join them but David pretended he heard someone call his name, gave Matteo an apologetic smile, and headed the other way instead.

So now he was standing against a wall, nursing his now warm beer, watching Matteo pay attention to Sara. 

After a while, he notices that Leonie is walking towards him, “Hi,” She says when she gets to him, mirroring the way he was standing and sighing, and David nodded at her in greeting. They stand there in silence for a while before David finally turns to look at her, realizing that it’s been a while and she hadn’t said anything else to him. 

Leonie has a wistful look on her face, David notices, an expression he didn’t even think she could have after knowing her for so long and he follows her gaze to see who it was for. To his surprise, it was the same thing David was watching just a second ago. 

Sara and Matteo were having another one of their secret conversations away from the others. When Leonie notices that David caught her staring, she shrugs at him before looking over at them again, her cheeks going red but her expression remaining the same. David feels his cheeks heat up and quickly turns back to look at them too, the ache returning. 

“I think I’m gonna go home,” David says to Leonie when he sees Sara laugh loudly and shove Matteo’s shoulder for the 4th time.

“Wanna make out?” Leonie asks him at the same time, turning away from the scene, eyes staring intently at David.

He’s stunned for a second and he’s not sure why but he nods. Leonie doesn’t wait and grabs onto his shoulders, pulling him down to her, their lips crashing against each other. David reaches out and steadies himself on the wall behind her and he feels himself kissing her back. 

There was no spark there, though. Nothing like what he feels when Matteo brushes past him or when they hold hands, but her lips are soft and she tastes like whatever apple-flavored drink she’d been drinking and he realizes he doesn’t mind kissing her. He can't help but feel like he needs to clear something up, though. 

David leans away and meets her confused, slightly annoyed eyes, and says, “I like Matteo.”

Leonie stares at him like he was missing something obvious. “I like Sara.” She tells him when he doesn’t get it and David nods, understanding what this was. He pushes her against the wall and grabs her face, kissing her a bit softer than before but with the same fervor. 

They both just needed a distraction. 

“Do you wanna get out of here?” David asks her when he pulls away after a couple of minutes and she scoffs. 

“I’m not having sex with you, David.”

And the way she says the words make him laugh, his shoulders shaking at her expression and he feels himself relaxing for the first time tonight. “I’m not having sex with you either, Leonie.” He clarifies. 

She nods and hooks her arm into his. “Ice cream, then?” She asks and he nods. 

“Oh, hell yes.”

_ ok.cool group chat  _

_ Today _

_ Carlos (22:45): David _

_ Carlos (22:45): Dude _

_ Carlos (22:46): Kiki said she just saw you leave with Leonie??! _

_ Abdi (22:48): Leonie? Oh man, bro code David bro code  _

_ Matteo (22:50): Leonie?  _

_ Jonas (22:55): Abdi man I appreciate that but it’s okay 👌 _

_ David (23:11): Thank you, Jonas.  _

_ David (23:11): and if you boys must know, nothing happened  _

_ Carlos (23:13): The girls saw you two making out don’t play coy with me Davey _

_ Abdi (23.15): 😱 _

_ Jonas (23:15): 🤭 _

_ Carlos (23:15): Yup  _

_ David (23:21): Okay…nothing happened after that 🙈 _

_ Abdi (23:23): Yeah, okay  _

_ Jonas (23:23): Sure _

_ Jonas (23:23): I see the insta stories  _

_ Abdi (23:24): Oh yes, and you both look real chummy  _

_ David (23:32): chummy? Who says that? _

_ Carlos (23:34): yeah dude who says that?? _

_ Carlos (23:34): but he’s right  _

_ David (23:42): No _

_ David (23:42): Leonie and I have always been like that  _

_ Abdi (23:46): Oh, but have you and Leonie ever made out? _

_ Carlos (23:46): !!!  _

_ Carlos (23:46): Good question, Abdi!  _

_ Abdi (23:46): thank you Carlito  _

_ Abdi (23:46): well?? _

_ David (23:50): goodnight boys _

_ Abdi (23:50): 🤣 _

_ Carlos (23:50): Proud of you, Davey  _

_ David (23:52): 🤦 _


	2. all we ever do, is all we ever knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matteo is sure that David is avoiding him again. There was no way this was a simple coincidence. Is he going to like what he finds out when he confronts him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s chapter 2 because why not? 💖💖  
> Thank y’all for the nice comments they’re really getting me through the day lol
> 
> For [saddergaze](https://sadder-gaze.tumblr.com/) 😊

Matteo has a headache, but it wasn’t from drinking. 

The text message from the night before had sent Matteo straight to his room. He let Jonas and Sara deal with getting the people out of his house and chose to stay in bed until it was quiet. 

He was sure that Jonas knew something was up when all Matteo did was send him a single text asking him to let everyone out. Matteo knew he wanted to ask him why but most times, Jonas understood when to give him space. He probably knew that it was because of the text, anyway. 

Matteo’s mind was running wild and he didn’t know how to stop it. 

David and Leonie were making out last night and left together. Was that why David had been ignoring him this entire time? Had his friendship with Leonie turned into something new? How come he never mentioned it? 

His thoughts flipped through memories of any conversation he could remember having with David about Leonie but nothing stood out. They were just friends. 

But, he’s seen the insta stories they’d posted the night before so many times by now that he sees them when he closes his eyes. He can hear them. 

David was laughing loudly with Leonie, chasing after her with ice cream in his hand. Then there was the photo Leonie posted on her page where she wore a huge smile and David had ice cream on his nose, his eyes closed from laughing at himself, and his cheeks rosy. 

If Carlos had never sent the text, the videos and the photos would have been normal to him. No underlying thoughts, just two friends getting ice cream. But, there was the fact that David’s been acting strange recently that makes him think they have something going on. 

Matteo sighs and tries to think of something else besides David and Leonie and his thoughts jump to Sara. Did she know? Is she okay? He didn’t tell her why he’d suddenly asked for everyone to leave and he doubts that Jonas did. 

He grabs his phone from the nightstand where he’d thrown it when he’d had enough of looking at their insta stories. When he clicks on the app, the first message that pops up is the group chat with the boys. Matteo reads it over again and does his best to try and believe David’s denials but he can’t. 

Groaning loudly, he clicks out of the chat and looks for Sara’s name.   
  


_Matteo (12:36): hey_

_Sara (12:40): Hey! 😊_

_Matteo (12:40): Have you spoken to Leonie?_

_Sara (12:42): Yup! We met for breakfast. 🥰_

_Sara (12:50): Why?_

_Matteo (12:53): David and Leonie left the party together last night_

_Matteo (12:53): Apparently they were making out before they left_

_Sara (13:00): Are you sure?_

_Matteo (13:04): Yeah, Carlos said Kiki saw them_

_Sara(13:06): I’m sure there’s a logical explanation_

_Matteo (13:06): Logical explanation for them kissing?_

_Matteo (13:06): Uh yeah_

_Matteo (13:06): it’s that they’re together_

_Sara (13:08): Is that what David said?_

_Matteo (13:10): No, he said nothing else happened_

_Matteo (13:10): But who even knows? David has barely spoken to me this week_

_Sara (13:12): Okay?_

_Matteo (13:13): 🙄_

_Sara (13:15): Leonie never mentioned David_

_Matteo (13:15): Okay_

_Sara (13:16): I’m sure nothing happened. She would tell me_

_Sara (13:22): let’s not stress_

_Matteo (13:27): Okay. Will you come over and help me clean up?_

_Sara (13:27): Sure but you have to feed me_

_Matteo (13:30): Deal_

_• • •_

On Monday, Matteo goes the entire day without seeing David. He doesn’t like that.

On Tuesday, it’s the same thing. No matter where he looks, David isn’t around. 

Wednesday comes around and there is still no David in sight. Matteo’s starting to get suspicious that it wasn’t a coincidence that he hasn’t seen him. It’s been too long. This is on purpose. 

By Thursday, Matteo is pissed. He knew David was at school, there was no way he’d miss days with Abi coming up and soon they’d be at home anyway. It made no sense to skip now. He didn’t want to be upset but his insecurities were piling upon him and he hasn’t slept properly in weeks. 

David has been a constant in his life for so long that it physically aches when time passes and he doesn’t see him. He can’t help the thoughts that run through his mind like maybe David finally had enough of him. Maybe he realized, like his father did, that Matteo was too much work. Too much effort. When his thoughts clouded him like that when he wondered if maybe it was better off if he just left everyone alone, when it was so noisy in his head that he couldn’t sleep, he would call David because David always knew how to bring him back down. 

But for some reason, it felt weird to call David now. He would open his phone at the worst hours of the night to call him like he usually did when he was restless but then his thumb would hover over the call button for what felt like forever before he locked his phone and tossed it aside. 

Matteo knows he needs to talk to him. Face to face, no bullshit.

On Friday, Matteo makes his way to his locker to switch his books out for his next class and he realizes that this would be the second time that he would be confronting David. The second time that he would be wearing his heart on his sleeve, pushing back the sadness he felt because he was being ignored by the person he wanted to talk to the most.

He couldn’t shake the feeling that it was David who was avoiding him. He didn’t want it to be true, but he could count the times he’s seen David these past 2 weeks on one hand. 

So, with the thought of David purposely avoiding him in mind, Matteo thought up the perfect way to confront him. Last time he chose the library after he found out that was where David was spending his lunches and now he would corner him at his locker, which was conveniently close to Matteo’s. 

As he makes his way over and turns the final corner, he sees David struggling to shove his gym bag in his locker like he always did. The amount that he’s concentrating allows Matteo to sneak up on him and when David finally notices Matteo is there, he can’t go anywhere unless he was willing to leave his locker open and his bag hanging out. 

“Hey,” Matteo says and it comes out a little rough. 

David smiles hesitantly and says, “Hi,” before turning back to his locker to fight with his bag again. 

“Everything okay?” Matteo asks him as he watches him struggle. 

“Yes, everything is okay.” David’s response is clipped as he shoves the bag one more time and quickly shuts and locks it in. “You?” He asks Matteo, his breathing a little rough from the strain and turning to face him properly. 

Now that David’s eyes are on him, Matteo suddenly feels shy. “Yeah,” Matteo murmurs, looking away. All the annoyance he felt earlier melted away with one look and he couldn’t even fight it. When he looks over at David again, though, he notices that there’s a hint of impatience in the way he’s watching Matteo. 

He wasn’t used to this look. Not in this context, anyway. Sure, David would lose his patience with Matteo when he wasn’t being serious or whenever he was interrupting him and he needed to focus, but never like this. Never when it had been days since they’d last seen each other. 

Matteo straightens his shoulders, “You’ve been avoiding me.” He says. 

David’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth and shuts it, then opens it again. “Matteo-” He begins to say, his brows coming together in what Matteo guesses is frustration. 

But Matteo interrupts him. He doesn’t want to hear David’s excuses. He didn’t believe him the last time he said he wasn’t avoiding him because Matteo knew he was. Then and now. “Are you and Leonie together? Is that why you haven’t been spending time with us?” He expected his voice to shake when he asked David about him and Leonie, but to his surprise he’s calm and his voice is clear. He knows it’s partly because he included the boys in it and didn’t single himself out, didn’t ask David if that’s why he was avoiding _him_. 

“Yes,” David says almost immediately, his jaw set, eyes still wide but there was a glint there that Matteo couldn’t decipher just yet. 

Matteo wonders how he was managing to take everything so easily. The anger he was feeling all morning at being ignored had left like it was nothing, and now the heartbreak wasn’t even showing up. A delayed reaction, maybe? 

He feels his head nod and hears himself congratulate David on his new relationship, he even feels the corner of his lips lift up to smile at him. David smiles brightly and thanks him and then he’s gone. 

_Sara (14:00): You weren’t at lunch?_

_Sara (14:00): Everything okay?_

_Matteo (14:23): They are together_

_Matteo (14:23): David and Leonie_

_Matteo (14:23): David told me and I congratulated him_

_Matteo (14:23): Next thing I knew I was here at home_

_Sara (14:30): Fuck_

_Sara (14:30): I’ll come to see you when I’m finished here_

_Matteo (14:35): You don’t have to_

_Sara (14:36): I will_

_Sara (14:36): It’s not like I can go to Leonie about it because she’ll want to know why I’m upset_

_Sara (14:50): Matteo?_

Matteo (14:52): Okay  
  



	3. i might not say the one thing on my mind cause it’s too tough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David finds out he is NOT a good liar.

“I’m so sorry, Leonie,” David was saying. “It’s just, he assumed and I was upset and I just said yes and I’m sorry.” His shoulders slumped and his head lowered as he waited for Leonie to lay it on him but when he looks up, she only looks a little annoyed. 

“Well, I suppose it’s not hurting anyone.” She says after a while, folding her arms across her chest and stepping back to look him over. “And it’s not like it would be awful to be your fake girlfriend, I mean, I might be gay and in love with Sara, but I have eyes.” She taps her finger against her chin and shrugs. “Okay, whatever. I’m over it.” 

David stares at her, shocked. “What?” He manages to say. “Did you just talk yourself into dating me? And for my looks, no less?” He asks, covering his mouth in mock offense. 

“What can I say?” Leanie shrugs and turns to her locker to get the books she needs for her next class out before shutting it. “I have standards.” 

David rolls his eyes but he’s grateful. “Thanks, Leonie.” He says to her, smiling in relief and he feels himself relaxing. 

Before, when Matteo had him cornered at his locker, David couldn’t help the annoyance that swept over him, the anger. He hated the way Matteo looked at him like he did something absolutely awful. Matteo looked angry and maybe he was partly in the right for some of it, but in the end, he’d been avoiding David first. He pushed him away so he could spend time with Sara. So how dare he look so pissed that David was spending time with someone else too? Was he not allowed to do that? 

_“Are you and Leonie together? Is that why you haven’t been spending time with us?”_

The accusing words, said with what David could only assume was annoyance, rings through his head as they turn away from her locker and head to their next class. His heart aches at how little Matteo reacted to the news.

  
  
  


The next Monday, David walks into his first class and sits beside Sam like he always does. Her chin was resting on her arms as she scrolled through her phone. 

“Morning,” David says to her, smiling when she looks up at him. 

“Hey!” She says happily, reaching over to hug him when he sits down. 

“Did you get a chance to work on your end of the project this weekend?” David asks as he pulls his notes out of his bag. 

Sam nods, “Yeah, it was actually quite interesting so I finished it in a couple of hours.” 

“Really? My mind kept wandering this weekend and I barely touched it.” 

“Oh?” Sam says, intrigued. “Too busy fooling around with Leonie?” She asks, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

David, suddenly distracted by the book on his desk, takes a second to respond. “Uh, yeah? I guess you could say that.” He’s sure he doesn’t sound convincing enough but he didn’t know what it was like to be in a relationship, especially not a fake one. It wasn’t as easy as one would expect. 

When Sam is quiet, David assumes it’s because she was paying attention to her phone again. But when he looks over, Sam is looking at him suspiciously. 

“What?” David asks her warily. 

“You’re not dating Leonie.” She says in a matter of fact tone. 

“What? What do you- of course, I’m dating Leonie! What kind of- why would you say that?” David couldn’t finish a thought to save his life right now. With each word he stuttered out, Sam's eyebrows rose in amusement and by the time he gave up, she was fully laughing at him. 

“Aw, David. Do you want me to pretend that I believe you?” She asks, feigning sympathy but the laughter was still in her voice.

David inhales, prepared to say something that would convince her further. To lie and say that he spent the weekend with Leonie. But, he couldn’t do it. Instead, his shoulders slump and he leans back against his chair, closing his eyes in embarrassment. “Is it that obvious?”

She reaches over and gently pats his shoulder, “I’m very good at seeing through bullshit.” She tells him, “Also, I thought it was common knowledge that you and Matteo like each other?” 

At this, David tilts his head to peek at her. “Common knowledge?” He whispers, confused.

“Yes?” Sam responds slowly. “Something that almost everyone knows?” 

David stares at her, wondering if he should be offended that she answered him so sarcastically. But then the teacher calls the class to attention and he’s left pouting while Sam’s shoulders shake with silent laughter.

Did Matteo like him instead of Sara? Was he just misunderstanding the entire situation? It seemed unlikely. These things don’t happen in real life. 

Also, it wasn’t like Matteo had reached out to him. 

The entire weekend David jumped at every notification he got, hoping that it would be Matteo asking him to hang out. The group chat was still as lively as ever and while it was a little strange that Matteo didn’t respond, it wasn’t like he was very active before. 

The image of Sara and Matteo whispering to each other, completely immersed in their own little world, flashes through his mind. 

For a second, David imagines himself in her place. How would it feel to have Matteo so close to him? Sure, they were close before. But he wanted it to mean something else. He adores and cherishes his friendship with Matteo, even though right now they weren’t speaking, but how would it be with them if it was more? 

He shakes his head and straightens up, turning to face the front of the class and pay attention instead of thinking such thoughts. When the teacher mentions their project, he has to stop himself from groaning out loud at how behind he was on his part of it because he was too distracted by Matteo’s absence. 

  
  
  


At lunch, David pulls out a chair and sits in front of Leonie, “Sam knows.” He tells her. 

“Huh?” Leonie asks, distracted by her phone. 

“Sam knows we’re not actually together!” David half shouts. “And it’s all my fault because apparently I can’t lie and everyone will find out that it’s all a lie and I’ll look so pathetic in front of Matteo and how would I even _explain_ what we’re doing here? Huh?” David rambles on, not even pausing to breathe. He’d managed to make it through his first few classes without panicking but he couldn’t stop it when he saw her. “There’s no good explanation except jealousy! I backed myself into a corner and now I’m gonna have to pay for it. See? This is why I don’t lie! My karma is all messed up and it’s all my fault-” 

Leonie reaches up and places her hand over his mouth, frowning as his words come out muffled because he kept talking. “You need to chill.” She says slowly and waits for him to calm down. “Sam knows about my feelings for Sara.” She pauses and moves her hand from his mouth, wiping it on his shoulder. “Didn’t I tell you that?” 

“ _No!_ ” David says and stares at her, annoyed but he can feel himself calming down. “So I’m not the only one that knows? Wow.” He finally says, “I thought I was special.” He continues, pretending to be offended but he was relieved.

Leonie laughs and rolls her eyes, “You wanna pretend that people don’t know who you like?” 

David doesn’t answer her, instead, he gently shoves her and sticks his tongue out. “Sam said it was common knowledge.” 

“She’s right.” Leonie agrees, “She is so insightful.” 

“Or I’m just really shit at lying.” 

“Oh, you most definitely are!” 

David laughs, “Whatever.” He says and he leans forward and presses a kiss on her cheek right when Matteo walks into the cafeteria. 


	4. i always think about you and how we don't speak enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matteo’s having a hard time and he misses David, but he won’t be the first one to reach out this time. Will David come to him or will an uncomfortable situation lead to something good?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Ooooh this one is very late. I’m so sorry 😬 I hope y’all enjoy this chapter! I had fun writing it! 
> 
> \- Thank you to my best friend and Beta reader, Renee, for helping me!!!!😙💖

Matteo’s been having trouble sleeping and while this isn’t recent, it’s been happening more and more these few weeks and he hates it. 

Every night he stays awake staring at his ceiling and gets frustrated as the hours pass while he hasn’t gotten a moment of relief. When he’d see the morning light coming through his window, he wanted to cry. 

His mama had been gone for a few days now, something about her sister needing her, and he’s spent the days alone. He’d wander around his house, thinking up things he could do to distract himself so he wouldn’t be swallowed up by the silence. 

But, no matter what he did, nothing worked. His mind would drift upstairs to the little treasure chest he kept under his clothes in his dresser that held the weed he’d bought a few weeks ago. He’s been trying to not rely on it, but lately, it’s been hard and it takes everything in him to not go up to his room until he absolutely has to.

So on Monday, after a hard weekend where he managed to sleep for at least 6 hours without any help, he doesn’t expect to walk into the cafeteria and see David kissing Leonie. 

It’s been weeks since they’ve spoken properly to each other and Matteo misses him. 

After David told him about his relationship, Matteo started feeling weird whenever he got the urge to reach out to him. He wanted David to come to him, despite the fact that he was miserable waiting. 

This morning went by in a daze and he was barely paying attention to his classes and was probably worrying his friends, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk to any of them. He wanted to talk to David. He would understand, or at least, he wouldn’t question him.

Matteo wasn’t planning to get anything for lunch today because he didn’t think he would be able to handle being around so many people, but his stomach had been growling and he needed to eat. 

His plan to walk in, eat, and then leave is abandoned after seeing Leonie and David being so cozy, and he wonders why he even came to the cafeteria today. 

_I can eat when I get home,_ he thinks to himself. But as he’s turning around, Leonie catches his eye and waves him over. 

He stood there for a second, thinking that he could just pretend he didn’t see her and leave anyway but then Leonie shouts, “Matteo! Come sit with us!” and he has no choice but to join them. Either that or he looks like an asshole. 

When he gets to the table, he wonders who he should sit next to. David was sitting across from Leonie, suddenly interested in his phone, and Leonie had her bag on the space next to her. 

“Um,” Matteo mutters and finally, David looks up. “Can I sit next to you?” It felt weird to ask him something so simple, but he didn’t feel like he was allowed to be near him anymore, not without asking anyway. 

He doesn’t understand the look that David gives him, but he nods and Matteo sits down. 

“How are you?” Matteo asks him, and David shrugs and opens his mouth to answer but Leonie speaks first. 

“He’s actually being paranoid today.” She says, and Matteo frowns. 

“Paranoid?” He asks, glancing at David. “About what?” 

“Well, he thinks that Sam is going to-” She starts saying, but David cuts her off. 

“Please don’t!” David says, his eyes widening and his eyebrows coming together in panic.

Leonie ignores him and starts over, “ _He thinks that Sam is going to..._ ” She repeats, looking pointedly at him before turning to Matteo, “hate him because he hasn’t been working as hard on his project like he should. She’s already done with her part of it.”

David was visibly tense as he listened to Leonie speak but he relaxes when she finishes and laughs. “Whatever.” He says to her after a second, his eyes shining and Leonie rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at him.

Matteo had a feeling that wasn’t the complete truth, but he wouldn’t question them. “What project?” He asks instead, wanting David to look at him instead of Leonie. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to sit there very long if he keeps looking at her like that.

“Sam and I wanted some extra credit so we’re writing a report on Michelangelo. She’s done the writing,” David says, turning to him to explain, “I just need to finish the visual part of it but I’m having trouble.” 

“You’re turning in extra credit?” Matteo asks, shocked. 

Leonie scoffs and they both turn to look at her, “He and Sam refuse to listen to reason.” She tells him, “Actually _,_ in proper David fashion, instead of just printing some copies of a few Michelangelo pieces, he’s decided to draw and paint one himself.” 

“When is it due?” Matteo frowns, thinking of the paintings he knew from Michelangelo. He couldn’t imagine doing extra credit for any of his classes, much less putting so much effort in it. 

David grimaces and says quietly, “endofthisweek.” 

“What was that?” Matteo asks, leaning forward so he could hear him better. David’s cheeks turn pink and he looks away, suddenly interested in the students walking around them and Matteo laughs at his reaction. “David, what did you say?” He asks again, shoving him slightly.

At his touch, David turns to look at him and it takes him a second to respond. “It’s due by the end of this week.” He finally says, and Matteo feels his cheeks heating up when David doesn’t look away. 

With David’s eyes on him, Matteo suddenly feels exposed. David is watching him carefully, definitely noticing the purple skin under his eyes, and when he meets his gaze again, Matteo is stunned by the intensity. Had David always looked this handsome or was it just like this since he hasn’t seen him in a while? Were his eyelashes always this long? There were dark circles under his eyes too but they didn’t look as rough as Matteo’s.

Matteo has the sudden urge to reach out and poke his still pink cheeks to see how he’d react to it, to see if he’d laugh loudly or attack him. David looks like he wants to say something to him, instead he bites down on his lip and says nothing, but he doesn’t look away. At that moment, it’s just the two of them with their unspoken words hovering on the tip of their tongues, neither wanting to speak first.

But then, Leonie clears her throat and they snap out of it and turn to her like they’d forgotten she was there. 

“Where’s Sara?” She asks Matteo, and he wonders if she suspects anything. He definitely did _not_ want her to know that he has a crush on her boyfriend. There was no way that would be received well.

“I’m not sure. I thought she might be in here but I haven’t seen her since last week.” He tells her, frowning slightly as he remembers that she’d sent him a text this weekend that he didn’t answer. Suddenly, he feels guilty because they were supposed to be dealing with this together. It was weird, though, that he hasn’t seen her today.

Leonie nods and looks down at her phone. They watch her type out a message and send it before standing up. “I’ll see you later, I think I know where she is.” She says to David and turns to leave. 

But then she stops and hurries over to David and presses a kiss to his cheek. “Bye, Matteo!” She says to him, ignoring whatever look David is giving her that Matteo can’t see, and then she’s gone. 

They sit in silence for a while after that, Matteo slowly eating his food despite not tasting any of it and David tapping away on his phone. 

He had to watch David kiss someone and witness David being kissed by someone and he hated it. How would he react if he actually saw them kiss? If a kiss on the cheek was making him feel so bad, a kiss on the lips would probably break him. He hasn’t even seen them hug or hold hands, how would his heart react to that? 

Matteo sighs at the image of them holding each other and pushes away his plate, suddenly feeling like he’ll throw up if he takes one more bite. David used to hold his hand and hold him close - would that happen again? He can’t even remember the last time he felt David’s arms around him and now, just the thought of it felt like he was betraying Leonie. They might not be as close as she and David were, but he’s known her since they were little and wouldn’t want to do something like that to her. 

“Not hungry?” David asks him softly. Matteo hadn’t noticed when he set his phone down.

He shakes his head and simply says, “Lost my appetite.” 

“Matteo…” David says worriedly and Matteo knows he’s going to ask him questions he didn’t want to answer anymore. 

But then, “Hey boys!” 

They turn to see Sam sitting down where Leonie was sitting before, grinning at them as she asks, “How’s it going?” 

Matteo hears David groan and Sam laughs out loud, which makes David roll his eyes. 

“What’s so funny?” Matteo questions, pouting at being left out. It seems like they had a secret between them and he wanted to know, but Sam only shakes her head and waves the topic away. 

“It’s nothing,” She says, turning her attention to David. “Did you find anyone to help you with the painting? I will, if you haven’t.” 

David deflates and now he’s the one pouting. “No, I haven’t asked anyone.” He shakes his head, “You already did enough with your part I don’t want to take up any of your time.” 

Sam rolls her eyes. “It’s _our_ extra credit, David. I can help.” 

But David shakes his head again, ever the stubborn one. “Nooo, I have to do this. I’m the one that suggested the painting so it’s only fair I do it.” 

“Okay then,” Sam looks over at Matteo and smiles, “so get Matteo to help you.” 

“Oh, I don’t think Matteo-” David starts to say, but Matteo cuts him off. 

“Sure!” Matteo quickly agrees, hoping he didn’t sound too excited about it, and turns to David. “Which painting did you choose?” 

David hesitates before he says, “Creation of Adam, focusing on the hands, of course.” 

“Of course,” Matteo mimics and rolls his eyes. “So you need a hand model?” He grins at him and lifts his hands to David’s face. “Lucky for you, I have two of them and they’re both free all week.” 

David laughs and once again he looks like he wants to say something when their eyes meet, but he doesn’t. 

“Well, then that settles it!” Sam announces, grinning. “David, you have a hand model now and no excuse to not have this done by tomorrow!” 

David almost breaks his neck turning to look at Sam, “Tomorrow?” He asks, incredulous. 

She nods and stands up, “What? You can’t do that?” 

Matteo can tell that she’s teasing him so he turns to David and joins her. “Yeah, David.” He says, raising his eyebrows at him. “It can’t possibly be that hard to draw and paint some hands, right?” 

David glares at them and shoves Matteo when they start laughing at him. “ _Some hands_?” He half shouts, feigning offense but he’s smiling widely. “You two clearly don’t know anything about art.” 

“Actually, I do know something.” Sam interjects, “I know _many_ things.” She says and wiggles her eyebrows at David. “Many things about the _hands_ , I mean. Seeing as I wrote an essay about it.” 

David blushes and rolls his eyes. “Okay, okay. I promise I’ll have it done by Thursday.” 

Sam nods, “Do you want to set the board up together?”

“Yeah, that way we worked on _something_ together. Do you have an idea for how you want to set it up?” 

They keep talking, but Matteo isn’t listening anymore. His mind was too occupied with the fact that he was going to be spending time with David tonight and maybe all week. Finally, it would just be them.

He can’t stop the smile that forms or the relief he feels as he thinks about just being with him. He checks his phone to see how long he has to wait until he could be alone with David, thinking about how he doesn’t even care that he would have to sit still while David used his hands as a reference. 

All he wanted was some quality time with him. That would be enough.

Right? 

_David (15:25): Is it okay if we go to my place?_

_Matteo (15:28): Yes_

_Matteo (15:28): Okay_

_David (15:30): Okay. I’ll be done soon._

_Matteo (15:35): I’ll be on the bench protecting my very important hands_

_David (15:36): 😂_

_David (15:36): Good_

_David (15:36): They’re very important_

_David (15:36): For the project_

_Matteo (15:38): Yeah_


	5. but your smile still makes my heart sing another sad song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s time for Matteo and David to spend some time alone after weeks of being away from each other! Will it end well or will it just lead to more unanswered questions?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y’all! Welcome to chapter 5! I hope you enjoy it!

David sent the text and then he wasn't sure what to do. 

His class was over and there was no place else for him to go, nothing else for him to do, except go downstairs and meet Matteo at the bench.

But he can't do it. 

His legs won't move and his hands weren't reaching down for his bag so that he could pack his stuff up. He was just stuck there. The ceiling could come crashing down and he doesn't think he'd move.

He was going to be alone with Matteo.

He was going to be _alone_ with Matteo.

It's been weeks since they've been alone, weeks since they'd even had a proper conversation. But now he was supposed to sit across from him for hours? While paying special attention to his hands?

Hands that he knew were super soft and super gentle, and just overall really really good hands? _What the fuck?_

David sighs and looks around at the now empty classroom. It's been five minutes already and he was sure that Matteo noticed the group of people from his class walk past him already.

He was probably wondering why David wasn't amongst them, maybe thinking that he would ditch him? David couldn't blame him if that was the case. He's been pretty shitty to Matteo these last few weeks anyway.

With that thought, David gathers his stuff and walks out of the classroom.

When he gets outside, he sees that Matteo is laying on the bench with his arm over his eyes.

"Hey," David says when he's closer to him and nudges him with his knee. "are you ready to go?" He asks when Matteo doesn't say anything.

Silence.

David frowns and nudges him again, a little harder this time. Matteo groans and stirs but otherwise, he doesn't move. "Don't tell me you fell asleep?" David mutters to himself, knowing that Matteo won't answer him but still wanting to fill the silence with something.

So, what he thought in the cafeteria before was correct. The dark circles under Matteo's eyes, the way he carried himself when he was walking to their table - everything just screamed tired.

David moves over and kneels down close to his head with his hand reaching out for his ear. He gives it a gentle tug. "Matteo,” He says softly, “you need to wake up."

"Hmm?" Matteo groans, frowning.

"Come on, let's head home, okay? Then you can nap." David continues to gently tug his ear until Matteo moves his arm away from his eyes, slowly waking up and squinting at him.

David’s breath caught in his throat when he realized how close he was to Matteo’s face and he quickly stood up to give him some space.

Matteo, apparently oblivious to David’s brief second of panic, shakes his head and slowly pushes himself up and grabs his bag. "I don't need to nap," He tells David, "I'm supposed to help you with your drawing."

"Matteo, I can just take reference photos, it's okay." David quickly responds, not wanting to be the reason Matteo doesn't get the rest he so clearly needs.

When Matteo turns to look at him, he sees a glint in his eyes that he'd never seen before and when he speaks, David isn't sure if he's sad or angry or hurt. "Don't you want my help?"

"I do!" He immediately says, "It's just-" He looks down at the bench and then back at him, "Matteo, you're clearly very tired. We could always try again tomorrow."

"No," Matteo responds, stubbornly shaking his head. "you need to finish it before Friday, remember? Sam said so. Don't worry about me, I'll sleep when I get home."

David watches him carefully, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the way he seemed to just slump forward like there was a heaviness on his shoulders. Yes, David needed to finish the drawing before Friday but it wasn't like he absolutely needed Matteo there with him. He could just take pictures of his hands and use those as a reference for his drawing. It's not like it was a very difficult process to just overlay the photos of Matteo's hands over each other in the pose. It wouldn't be ideal, but it would work.

"Let's go before we miss the bus. I didn't pay for this monthly fee just to not use it." Matteo grumbles when David doesn't say anything. Then, he starts to walk away before David can object again.

It takes him a second, but David follows him. He wants to spend time with Matteo, even if he's sure that Matteo will fall asleep almost as soon as they start. The thought makes him laugh and when Matteo turns with a questioning look, he just shakes his head and speeds up to catch up with him.

The bus ride to David's was not what either of them expected it to be. They should've known that it would be busy around this time since it usually was, but they didn't know that they would be standing almost face to face with each other, holding onto a handrail and wondering why they didn't just wait until the other bus arrived.

David had followed Matteo onto the bus without noticing anything until Matteo turned to look at him. There was panic in his eyes that David didn't notice until the doors shut behind him and he was forced to grab onto something or fall over.

He didn't expect to reach out and grab onto Matteo, and he most definitely didn't expect Matteo to steady him and then pull him close.

He could feel Matteo's breath on his cheek, that's how close they were.

Was he breathing too hard? What was the normal way to breathe? How come his hands were sweaty? What was that really loud drumming that he could hear so close to him?

He turns his head and looks at Matteo, who grins sleepily at him. “Not ideal, huh?” David asks him and Matteo shrugs.

“I think it is.” He responds and then he rests his head on David’s shoulder and David thinks he might just die right there.

If he died standing right there, gripping onto the handrail as tightly as his sweaty palms made possible with Matteo resting his forehead on his shoulder, would it really be so bad? 

Or would it have been better if he’d just sat on the floor? Although, it probably would have backfired. There was a 98% chance that Matteo would join him on the floor without hesitation. 

Either way, Matteo’s head would be on his shoulder and he would be struggling to breathe.

When David thought his heart was going to burst from having Matteo so close to him, they finally reached where they needed to get off. He was a little nervous that Matteo had fallen asleep standing up, but his head popped up as soon as the doors opened and he was the first of the two to be outside.

David follows behind him, a little dazed but overall okay. Matteo’s cheeks were pink and he wouldn’t meet his eyes while they walked the short distance to his and Laura’s place but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable, so David didn’t mind.

Once they got inside, they set their stuff down and David made sure to get Matteo different snacks so that he would have something to eat while he was busy. 

As he’s pulling stuff out of the cupboard and fridge, he wonders if Matteo knows he got the crappy end of the deal. He’ll be stuck here for hours with David who won’t be able to talk to him very much because he’d be too distracted with everything else. Although, Matteo could get the rest that he so obviously needs. Maybe they both win in this case.

When he enters the living room, Matteo is sitting comfortably on the floor with his palms on the coffee table, and he looks up at David with a grin.

“My magical hands are ready.” He tells him and then David watches as a blush forms on his cheeks and he shakes his head, “I mean, um, you know what I mean!” Matteo looks away and David bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from laughing at him.

“On that note, I brought you some snacks.” David grins and sits across him, “But first I need to take some reference photos for later.”

Matteo frowns at him doubtfully and slowly pulls his hands away, “Later?”

“Yeah, I mean,” David’s brows come together in confusion, “it’s not like you’re going to be with me every day this week.” Of course, David didn’t expect Matteo to be here with him every day, he needed to spend time with Sara too.

The same glint from before returned to Matteo’s eyes and he put his hands on the coffee table again, “I’ll be here every day if that’s what you need.”

David isn’t sure how to respond to Matteo suddenly being serious and, eventually, he just nods. “I still need to take reference photos, though.” He tells him, but quickly adds, “I plan on working on it in between classes, too.”

“Okay.” Matteo’s eyes soften and the smile returns to his face, “So, how should I put my hands again? I don’t remember the exact pose and I forgot to look it up.”

David pulls his phone out of his pocket and brings up the photo of the painting he’d saved when he decided to draw it. Originally, he was going to just use that photo as a reference and then make changes as he went along but now, he didn’t have to worry about that part.

Matteo’s hands were their own work of art, in his opinion. He doesn’t even have to touch them to know that they were soft because they just _looked_ soft to begin with. Matteo’s nails weren’t as bad as some of the other boys’ nails that he’s seen. Usually, boys didn’t pay very much attention to what was going on with their nails, wouldn’t question the cuticles or the length, most wouldn’t even consider getting their nails groomed. But Matteo didn’t need any of that anyway.

David adjusts the photo on his screen and then sets his phone down. He looks up at Matteo before he reaches for his hand, making sure he is still okay with him touching his hand. When Matteo nods, David takes his hand in his and begins to position it the way he needs it to be before moving on to adjusting Matteo’s fingers according to the photo.

This proves to be difficult when Matteo’s fingers refuse to stay still.

After David’s third attempt to steady them fails, he looks up at Matteo only to find him attempting to open one of the drinks that David set out for them using his chin and one hand. David watches him struggle for a second, sure that he doesn’t even notice he has an audience.

Only when he notices Matteo raising the bottle to his mouth to try and open it with his teeth, does David snatch it out of his hand.

“Why didn’t you just ask me to open it?” David scolds him when he hands the now open bottle to him.

“I didn’t want to distract you.”

“Well, you failed. Your fingers wouldn’t stop moving.” David frowns, “Couldn’t you just open the bottle using the fingers on your other hand?”

“Yeah but my right hand is my dominant hand, I couldn’t possibly use my left hand, David.” Matteo scoffs at him like this was common knowledge and David rolls his eyes.

“Are you serious? Of course, you can use the fingers on your left hand!”

“No, no I can’t.” He shakes his head and takes a sip from the bottle.

“Matteo,” David says slowly, “are you telling me you don’t text and type with both hands? That you don’t use both of your thumbs when you use your phone?”

“Yeah, I use them for that but this is _opening a bottle_ , David. It’s a whole different ball game.”

David stares at him in shock, thinking of some response to what he just heard but he couldn’t come up with anything. Instead, he takes the other bottle that was for him and uses his fingers on his left hand to open the bottle easily, keeping eye contact with Matteo the entire time.

“You’re telling me you couldn’t do that?” David challenges him.

Matteo looks down at his almost empty bottle and then back at David, dumbstruck. “Wait-” He quickly says and David watches as he screws the bottle cap back on tightly and repeats what he just did. 

As expected, David was right.

When Matteo looks at him again, he has an apologetic smile on his face and David can’t help but laugh at him.

“You know what?” Matteo shouts over David’s loud laughter, “I thought we were here for art purposes!”

It takes a second for David to stop laughing because every time he would look at Matteo, he remembers his expression and starts all over again. It wasn’t until Matteo threatened to lock himself in David’s room and was already walking down the hall, that David finally calmed down enough to stand up and bring him back to the coffee table.

“Okay, okay I’m sorry.” David apologizes and clears his throat. When he sits across from Matteo again, he’s serious. “Let’s try this again. Relax your wrist.”

He picks Matteo’s hand up and decides to have him adjust his fingers himself. “Just pretend you’re reaching out to someone like they’re right at the tip of your fingers and if you just stretch your body a little more, you’ll touch them.” David instructs and shows him the picture on his phone.

Matteo does as he’s told and David slowly pulls his hand away from Matteo’s, telling him to keep it suspended in the air so that he can grab his phone and take the pictures he needs. He was sure he didn’t need photos from more than 2 angles but he took more _just in case_. It definitely didn’t have anything to do with Matteo’s face also being in the photo.

After that, he asks Matteo to do the same with his left hand.

“Hey, David?” Matteo says as David does the final adjustments to his left hand.

“Hmm?”

“Wouldn’t it be better if it was two different hands instead of just one?” He asks, leaning forward.

“Two how? You’re my only model,” David jokes, still a little distracted.

“No, I mean, you could use your hand and I can take the photo. That way it won’t be obvious that it’s the same hands, just like in the painting.”

David’s hands stop adjusting his fingers and he finally looks at Matteo, noticing the pink tinge of his cheeks and that his face was way too close to his. “Huh?” He asks softly, not sure what to make of what Matteo just said or the fact that they were within kissing distance. All David has to do is lean in just a little bit….

Matteo clears his throat and David looks at his eyes, shocked that his eyes had drifted down to Matteo’s lips and he didn’t hear a word of what Matteo said. “What did you say?” David asks him, leaning away from Matteo and sitting back on his feet.

“I’ll take the pictures of your right hand with your phone if you want.”

“The pictures of my hand?”

“Yeah?” Matteo responds, seemingly confused. “Don’t you think it’ll look better and be easier if you used your hand and my hand instead of both of my hands? That way you don’t have to come up with any details of your own, you can just go off the picture with no problems.”

David finds himself nodding along to what Matteo is saying. He was right that it would be easier to use their hands instead of just his. He was planning on just adding little details that would make the hands seem different, but with Matteo’s suggestion, the hands would already be different so he wouldn’t have to do much and it would speed up the process. He silently cursed himself again for insisting on drawing instead of just printing it out as any other sane person would do. Was the extra credit _that_ important?

“Okay, yeah. That sounds like a good idea.” He frowns as he picks up his phone and thinks of the photos he took before with Matteo’s face in the background, “I’ll have to retake your photos, though. I think it’ll be better if the background is a solid color? That way it won’t be too hard to overlay them.”

Matteo nods, “Sure, do you have cardboard or something? I’ll hold it up.”

David nods and he quickly stands up, “Be right back!”

When he returns he’s holding a blank canvas that was the perfect size for what they needed. Soon, he was adjusting Matteo’s hand again and had him hold up the canvas so he could take different photos. Then, it was his turn.

Instead of setting his hand down, Matteo turns it to David so that he’s pointing at him. “Just reach out to mine.” He whispers and David nods before doing as he’s told. He thinks of his own words from before.

_Just pretend you’re reaching out to someone like they’re right at the tip of your fingers and if you just stretch your body a little more, you’ll touch them._

He wants to laugh at how he’d basically been describing how he was with Matteo. He was just out of his reach, but no matter what he did he knew he wouldn’t be able to touch him. He was already for someone else.

But then, Matteo’s finger touches his and when he looks up, Matteo was staring at him so intensely he couldn’t do anything except stare back. He finds himself glancing down at Matteo’s lips again, thinking about how close they were before. What would have happened if he leaned in a little bit? Would Matteo be angry? Would he kiss him back?

_Kissing Matteo._

What would that even be like? It was too hard to even _imagine_ something like that happening.

“Okay give me the canvas and you take the photo.” David says, snapping himself out of his thoughts and clearing his throat, wondering if his voice actually sounded strained or if it was just his imagination.

After that, after not even being able to imagine himself kissing Matteo, David gets started on his painting. He lets all the thoughts leave his mind and focuses just on Matteo’s hands in the photo. He asks Matteo to keep his hand on the table so that he can look at them when he needs to and Matteo does so with no problem.

About 10 minutes later, David notices that Matteo’s hand has gone slack. He was focusing on the outline and was using the photo more than the real thing at the moment, so he wasn’t paying too much attention to him.

Matteo was resting his head on his other arm, fast asleep. 

David quietly sets down everything he was using, not wanting to make any sounds so he doesn’t wake him. He only wants to watch him for a second, just a small moment of peace where he doesn’t have to worry about someone catching the emotions on his face. One little moment to openly love him.

He rests his head on his hands and tilts his head so he can see his face a little better.

How could he be such a coward? From the second he started feeling something else for him, he knew he should’ve said something. Should’ve confessed or dropped better hints or _something_. 

But, he wasn’t even sure when it started. Suddenly, being around Matteo was different. 

When they would hold hands, David found it difficult to focus on anything else except the fingers that were intertwined with his and the thumb that was softly moving against his own. 

When they would fall asleep next to each other, David would wake up with Matteo in his arms and when he couldn't find any reason as to why Matteo _wouldn’t_ be in his arms, he would pull him closer and go back to sleep. That time when Laura caught them wasn’t even the first time they’d fallen asleep like that. 

Back then, David was sure something was blossoming between them, but it wasn’t long before Matteo started spending more time with Sara instead of him. 

David’s hand moves without him telling it to, and soon he’s playing with a stray strand of Matteo’s hair, longing to run his fingers through the rest of it but too scared that he’ll wake him for something so selfish.

He wonders if Sara played with his hair too. If she knew what he liked and didn’t like. But then he shakes his head, shakes the thoughts away. 

Because, of course, she would know. 

Otherwise, Matteo wouldn’t be with her. 

The thought makes him pull his hand away and straighten up so he can get back to work.

 _Matteo is with Sara_ , he reminds himself. But he can’t help the next selfish thought, he doesn’t even expect it.

_But, right now he’s with me._

David sighs and glances at him once more before picking his stuff up and getting back to work.

_Laura (18:33): Thai tonight? I’m too lazy to cook_

_David (18:33): Thai sounds good_

_David (18:33): Matteo is here_

_Laura (18:34): Okay_

_Laura (18:34): I’ll get him the usual, then_

_David (18:34): Sounds good_

_Laura (18:40): I guess you two aren’t fighting anymore?_

_David (18:42): We were never fighting?_

_Laura (18:45): Whatever_

_Laura (18:45): I’ll see you in 30_

David frowns at the message from his sister, annoyed that she knew him and Matteo hadn’t been on good terms even though he didn’t tell her anything about what was going on with them. He could hear her scolding him, hear her pointing out everything she’s noticed him doing the last few weeks to prove her point. He hated that she found him so easy to read.

When Laura gets home, David meets her at the door to warn her about the sleeping Matteo.

“I don’t think he’s been sleeping very well,” He whispers to her while they set the table.

“Just like you haven’t been?” Laura asks, raising her eyebrows at him.

“What are you even talking about? I’ve been sleeping.” David retorts, rolling his eyes. It was a lie, of course, but he wasn’t going to admit to that.

“Oh yeah, you’re right.” She says sarcastically, “I must be hearing someone else walking around their room at 3 in the morning.”

David frowns at her, “Maybe this place is haunted.”

“Or maybe you’ve been having trouble sleeping because you and your nap buddy aren’t speaking.”

“Nap buddy?” A sleepy voice asks from the doorway and they both whip around to find Matteo rubbing his eyes and yawning. “Who has a nap buddy?”

David’s eyes widen with panic and he says the first words that come to his head, “Uh, Laura does!”

Laura, on her way over to give Matteo a hug, is stopped in her tracks and turns to glare at him instead.

Behind her, Matteo’s eyebrows raise in surprise and a slow grin forms, “You have a nap buddy, Laura?” He teases her and when she turns back to look at him, his grin widens at whatever expression she’s giving him.

“Apparently, I do.” She says through gritted teeth and pulls Matteo into a hug before she spins them around so that she can make eye contact with David. She moves her thumb across the back of Matteo’s neck, sending him a clear message: _I’ll kill you for this._

Matteo pulls away from the hug and grins down at her and then turns to look at David, “So, who is it? Do I know them?”

David, once again, speaks up before Laura can. “No! It’s someone from her job.”

Laura’s smile is tight lipped as she looks at Matteo and nods, “Yes. Someone from work that you’ve never met. We hang out sometimes and we nap.”

“Ohhhh,” Matteo says slowly and then turns to look at David. “They _hang out_ and _nap._ ” He tells David and laughs when Laura hits his arm.

David forces a laugh and nods at him conspiratorially, like he wasn’t going to get killed the second he left them alone. But also, did Matteo somehow forget that they used to do that too? David studies his face, waiting for some reaction to what he said, but there’s nothing to show that he even thought of them.

Laura sighs and walks over to the table, “I buy you dinner and this is how you treat me? Teasing me?” She grumbles, pulling her seat out and sitting down. David can’t help but be grateful that Laura doesn’t stay on the subject.

Matteo laughs out loud but follows her, choosing the seat beside David and reaching for his food. “Thank you, Laura.” He says to her, still grinning.

They eat in silence for a while, Matteo scarfing down his food as if he hadn’t eaten in days, and David too scared to speak. He could feel Laura’s eyes on him, knew that she wanted him to look at her so she could set her full glaring power on him, but he wouldn’t budge.

Soon, they were finished. David had managed to not meet Laura’s eyes the entire time they ate and she’d given up and moved on to talking to Matteo about what he’s been doing since she last saw him. 

While they spoke, David noticed that he never once mentioned Sara.

They were back in the living room now, Matteo still sitting on the floor with David, his hand back in the pose even though David didn’t need it that way anymore. He and Laura talking animatedly about a video game he was interested in while David focused on the drawing. It felt nice to just be the three of them again.

“Matteo, are you staying the night?” Laura suddenly asks, and David’s head snaps up.

“Uh,” Matteo says, looking up at her and then turning to look at David when he notices his gaze on him. “No?”

Laura frowns, “Why not?”

“I don’t want to impose.” He mutters.

“When have you ever?” Laura asks him, sounding shocked and turning to David, expecting him to answer. Laura never had a problem with Matteo being at their place, she loved him and welcomed him every time so it made no sense for Matteo to think he’ll be forcing his presence on them…unless David made it seem that way. “David?” She asks when Matteo doesn’t respond.

“Matteo, you should sleepover. I’ll sleep on the sofa.” David offers and looks over at Laura, knowing she wants to ask him why he wouldn’t sleep in his room with Matteo like they usually do.

But, how could he? It would be weird to sleep next to him knowing how he felt. It wouldn’t be fair to Sara or to himself. Why suffer even more?

But Matteo, ears going red, shakes his head, “No, it’s okay. I’ll go home.” He stands up quickly and grabs his bag, hanging it on his shoulder. “Thanks for dinner, Laura.”

“You're welcome,” Laura says, confused. “are you sure, though? It’s late.” She looks over at David for help, but David isn’t sure what to say. He doesn’t want Matteo to leave, but he knows it won’t be good if he stays.

“It’s okay. We have school tomorrow and I don’t have any clothes here anyway.”

David knew what Laura wanted to say, knew it was on the tip of her tongue that she wanted to suggest Matteo wear David’s clothes because he’s done it before. But he shakes his head just the slightest bit and Laura bites down on her lip. 

“Oh, okay, will you be back tomorrow?” She asks instead.

“Yeah, I have to help David finish this painting so Sam doesn’t kill him.” Matteo laughs, looking over at David who rolls his eyes.

“Whatever.” David says, “I’ll walk you out?” He offers and Matteo nods.

“Will you be okay?” Matteo suddenly asks him when they’re facing each other at the doorway, his voice soft.

David frowns, not understanding. But then he lifts up one of his hands and David nods. “Yeah, I have the reference photos. I’ll be fine.”

Matteo hesitates and he looks as if he wants to say something more, as if he’ll ask David if he could stay the night. But David’s thoughts betray him. 

_Pick me._

The words bring back the dream and David forces a smile on his face, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says to Matteo, closing the door before he could say anything else. 


	6. sorry, love, I'm running home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day two of Matteo and David spending an evening together, and this time Laura has to work late!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta reader and best friend Renee for listening to me stress about this chapter! 💖💖
> 
> Thank you so much to [saddergaze](https://sadder-gaze.tumblr.com/) for literally saving me and this chapter. Thank you for taking the time to help me figure this out. I hope you like what I ended up doing with it!

Matteo hears the slamming of the door echo through his brain the entire bus ride home and he’s glad that the bus is barely filled because he can hear himself sniffling. He can feel his tears threatening to spill over at any time because he keeps remembering the way David’s eyes changed when they stood face to face at the door.

 _Just wait until you get home_ , he thinks to himself. His mama isn’t home yet and it’ll be another quiet night in, so he’ll be able to cry in peace.

When Matteo finally gets off the bus, he keeps his head down as he walks home. It’s not too far and he doesn’t pass many people but, for some reason, he feels like the people he did pass were all looking at him. As if they all knew the rejection and confusion he was feeling and they could see the redness around his eyes as he forced his emotions down for a few more steps.

He hates it when he feels like people are looking at him and are seeing him like they could see all the flaws that were Matteo Florenzi. He speeds up, doing his best to keep his head down but not bump into someone on his way to his front door.

Once he’s inside, David’s expression flashes through his mind again. 

He was laughing and talking the entire night, but once it was just the two of them it was as if he shut down. Gone was the smile he wore when they were hanging out with Laura, even the light in his eyes dimmed to cool indifference.

It didn’t make any sense!

Matteo throws his backpack down and yells in frustration, half expecting his voice to echo through the empty house. He takes a second to breathe, to calm himself down from the sudden anger that coursed through his body at the fact that, once again, he was all alone. Whatever tears he thought he’d be spilling tonight were gone now, and all that was left after the anger was confusion.

Had it been just a few weeks ago, he would’ve been spending the night at David’s. There would’ve been no hesitation when Laura asked if he would stay over because he always felt welcomed there, but tonight it was different. Even though Laura reacted the same way she usually did with him, _David’s_ reaction was so different.

But why?

Matteo sighs and walks up to his room, wanting nothing more than to be in his bed so he could sleep. The nap at David’s had been nice but it wasn’t enough for his tired body and he’d promised David he’d be there every day that he needed him and he needed to be rested if he didn’t want to spend half of his time there asleep like he did today. The painting was an excuse, yes, but at this point, it felt like Matteo was grasping at straws just to spend time with his best friend. _His_ _best friend!_

After weeks, _weeks_ , of them not seeing each other – Matteo can’t even explain his elation at being near David again. The way his body relaxed the second he’d rested his head on David’s shoulder when they were on the bus was like he was finally where he was meant to be. He felt like he’d been away on a long trip and was finally back home and he doesn’t care how cheesy it sounds because it’s true.

When he walked into David’s apartment and he breathed in the familiar scent that he could only describe as David and Laura’s, he was almost so overwhelmed that he could’ve started crying right there. Even when Matteo’s mama was home and waiting for him, Matteo was never as relaxed as he is when he’s at David’s.

Matteo sighs and kicks off his shoes before settling under his covers, hoping that sleep takes over soon because he was so tired.

But it wasn’t long before Matteo realized that tonight would be another sleepless night again. It didn’t matter how tired his body was and didn’t matter how much he needed just a few hours of relief – his brain wasn’t going to let him. The nap from earlier would just have to be enough for now.

Why did he let himself expect so much from tonight? Did he even know that he was expecting so much? Or was he just going through the usual motions and treating everything like it was normal even though it clearly wasn’t?

He sighs, thinking back to when David woke him up when he’d closed his eyes while he waited for him. He wasn’t actually asleep and he was actually glad that he wasn’t because he’d felt how David softly tugged at his ear to get him up. His body had relaxed and if David wasn’t there insisting that he get up, he would’ve fallen asleep.

“David,” Matteo suddenly whispers into the quiet room, “did I do something wrong?”

The next day, Matteo is sitting at the bottom of the steps waiting for Jonas to get to school. They had their first class together and whoever got there first usually waited for the other. He was resting his head against the metal rail with his eyes closed while he waited, completely exhausted. 

He’d managed to sleep a couple of hours last night, but the alarm on his phone went off way too soon and he was forced to get up. He couldn’t miss any days, not when they were so close to being let out and definitely not when David would be waiting for him when the day was done. 

After a while, he hears footsteps behind him and doesn’t move when he feels someone sit next to him, their shoulders pressing against his. 

“Hey, na?” Sara greets him, and he could tell she was smiling. 

Despite not wanting to move, Matteo straightens up and rubs his face before responding with a simple, “Hey.”

“Something wrong?” Sara asks him, and now he can hear the concern. When he looks at her, her brows are furrowed as she looks him over. He knew the darkness under his eyes were standing out with how long her eyes lingered on them. 

“No,” He tells her, keeping his voice low. “I’m just fucking exhausted.” 

Sara nods, “Do you take anything to help you sleep?” She asks when Matteo doesn’t say anything else. 

“Nothing works.” He says and looks away, his mind drifting to the little chest he keeps hidden in his dresser. “Well, weed works sometimes but,” He shrugs, “I don’t want to rely on it.” 

He hears Sara hum quietly in understanding but she doesn’t say anything else to him. When he turns to look at her, she’s on her phone scrolling through an app. 

He liked this about Sara. How she never pestered him when she could tell that he didn’t want to stay on a subject. The fact that they both had feelings for their best friends was only discovered when Matteo had noticed how her eyes followed Leonie when she wasn’t close to her. Sara had caught on to him just the same and they’d found solace in confiding in each other. Although, it wasn’t like Matteo was hiding his feelings for David. Sara, on the other hand, and in Matteo’s opinion, was doing a great job with hiding hers.

Now, when their respective crushes were dating each other, he was glad that she wasn’t bringing it up even though she probably was suffering the same way he was. 

“Hey,” Matteo says when he remembers that he didn’t see her at all yesterday, “where were you yesterday?”

Sara turns to him and her cheeks go a little red before she shakes her head, “I was stuck in class.” She says, shrugging. He can’t help but feel like she’s not telling him something.

“Which class?” He asks but instead of answering him, she hooks their elbows together and rests her head on his shoulder. 

“Here, look at this video.” She angles the phone so that they can both see it and Matteo is confused, knowing that she was deliberately changing the subject, but he watches the video anyway. It was some random girl he’d never seen doing some weird dance while Christmas music played in the background. 

“What the fuck?” He mutters but Sara moves on to another video and they stay there, watching whatever video she stops on, mostly the quiet ones, before she scrolls away. He wants to ask her why she’s avoiding such a simple question, but he realizes that, had she been around, he probably wouldn’t have spent the afternoon with David. 

The last video they watch is one where a girl was on the screen, some weird music playing in the background. She has her hands crossed and she’s holding her face, her thumbs softly stroking her cheeks. There’s writing on the top of her head and Matteo’s eyes read them when he sees the girl's eyes getting red and tears forming.

 ** _“Apparently this is supposed to show if you’re touch starved.”_** It said and Matteo scoffs.

“That’s bullshit.” Before Sara could argue, they hear someone clear their throat.

When he looks up, he sees that it’s Leonie standing there and his heart drops. His eyes move to see if David is behind her, but all he sees are other students heading their own way. 

“Hey,” Leonie says and Matteo nods at her but he soon realizes that she wasn’t talking to him. Her eyes were solely on Sara. 

“Hello,” Sara responds with a small smile, and Matteo notices the redness from before returning to her cheeks. 

“Come with me somewhere?” Leonie asks, tilting her head slightly. 

Sara nods and quickly stands up, muttering a goodbye to Matteo and a promise to text him later, but barely sparing him a glance. Before they go, though, Matteo stands up. 

“And David?” He asks Leonie before she could fully turn away.

“Uh, I actually saw him walk in a few minutes ago.” Leonie tells him and adds, “Jonas is on his way in too.” Then she turns to Sara and they both walk away, leaving Matteo confused. 

He frowns as he thinks over what she said. When had David entered the building? And how didn’t he see him? He was literally sitting at the entrance and he didn’t see him!

Matteo runs his fingers through his hair and shakes his head, realizing that it was probably when he was watching those stupid videos with Sara. 

He sighs. It would’ve been nice to see him before the day started. 

The day is surprisingly not as bad as Matteo thought it would be with two hours of sleep. Yes, he was extremely tired by the time he got to his third class, but it wasn’t too bad because he knew it meant the day was getting closer and closer to ending and he’d see David soon.

When they were let out after the final class, Matteo quickly made his way down the steps to sit on the bench outside and wait for David.

Today, David wasn’t held back by his classes and he was out almost as soon as Matteo sat down. He gave Matteo a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, but Matteo didn’t mind. At least David’s smile was for him.

This time, they were lucky enough to find seats on the bus so they didn’t have to spend it standing up and holding on tight not to fall.

Still, Matteo rested his head on David’s shoulder.

“I worked on it very late last night,” David was saying as he unlocks the door, “I woke up Laura when she heard the very loud noise my head slamming against the table made.” He pauses and turns to look at Matteo, a grin, _a very real grin that reaches his eyes_ , is on his face now and he points at his forehead where his hair was covering it. “I had to move my hair around so it would hide the very obvious bump on my forehead.”

Matteo watches him as he laughs and pushes his hair back to show him the bump and he can’t help but ask, “Is it really okay?” Not even noticing that he was moving closer to touch it.

“Y–yeah,” David stutters.

Matteo’s fingers run over it and David’s eyes flutter shut, causing Matteo to pull his hand away thinking he hurt him. “Shit, sorry!”

“No, it’s okay! It’s just swollen and a little sore.” He shakes his head and laughs again, “I couldn’t stop poking it myself all day so that probably doesn’t help either.”

Nodding, Matteo looks away from him and at the hallway instead, only just realizing that they had yet to walk inside. 

When he looked at David again, David was looking at him with an expression Matteo could not put a name to. He doesn’t think there’s a word that exists to describe it. David had never looked at him this way, though, this he was sure of.

David didn’t look away even when Matteo’s eyes met his and Matteo could feel a shiver go down his spine while his ears heated up. 

He was sure his face was getting red, too, at the attention he was getting from David, and that it got worse when he was suddenly aware of how close they were standing.

Matteo’s eyes drift down to David’s lips and he wonders what would happen if he just leans in. He feels his head moving against his own will and notices that David’s looking at his lips now too and then both their eyes meet again.

He gulps and his mind goes blank the closer he gets to David and suddenly he can’t remember why he’s never kissed David before. What had been stopping him?

But then a door slams and reality suddenly settles around them. David was already dating someone; that’s why they haven’t kissed. David already had someone he could kiss and it wasn’t Matteo. 

The silence following the slamming of the door is awkward and all Matteo can hear is his heart almost beating out of his chest. 

David was still looking at him.

But then, as if he catches himself, David clears his throat and looks away as he mutters, “Shall we go in?” 

He’s inside before Matteo can respond.

Matteo exhales, wondering how long he’d been holding his breath.

When he finally makes it inside and goes to set his bag down in the living room, he sees that David already put their snacks out for the evening but he was nowhere in sight.

He goes searching for him in the kitchen but still nothing. Then, he turns and heads for their rooms, and finally, he hears a low murmur coming from David’s room.

“How late?” David asks and he’s quiet as he listens to the response on the other end that Matteo can’t hear. “Okay, that’s understandable. Is it a lot of work?” Then, “Yeah, Matteo’s here. Why?”

Matteo freezes, feeling as if he’d been caught snooping but David only scoffs at whatever Laura says next.

“I resent that!” David gasps and Matteo has to hold back his laughter, knowing it was the response Laura expected with whatever it was that she said.

Suddenly, his phone _dings!_ He doesn’t even have time to turn around and run to the living room because then David is opening the door and squinting at him. His phone dings again.

“Um–” Matteo starts, struggling to think of what to say.

“Did you text Matteo?” David says into his phone and he rolls his eyes at whatever Laura says next.

Matteo, on the other hand, checks his messages and laughs when he sees Laura’s name on the screen.

_Laura (15:22): There’s pasta in the cabinet along with whatever else you may need to use._

_Laura (15:22): Please feed my poor brother. You know he doesn’t know how to cook._

“– not going to leave anything for you, Laura.” David is saying when Matteo looks at him again and while his tone of voice is offended, he’s smiling. 

Matteo leaves David to finish his conversation with his sister while he searches the cabinet for whatever he’ll need to make his famous pasta.

Usually, Laura kept the kitchen stocked since the two of them would bond over their cooking. Since Matteo enjoyed teaching Laura the different recipes his mama taught him, and he _definitely_ didn’t mind when David complimented his cooking, she would always buy whatever she thought he would need whenever he came over. She’d even made a list of his favorite ingredients.

When David finds him, he’s searching for the last bits he needs before he gets to work.

“You don’t have to cook, Matteo,” David says, sounding nervous.

Matteo turns to look at him and grins, “Oh, I don’t mind.” He pauses and looks down at the art supplies that David brought in the kitchen with him. Even though he was telling Matteo he didn’t have to cook, he was already prepared to sit on the table while he did. “Besides, it’ll give me something to do while you’re drawing.”

David hesitates, biting down on his lip as he thinks over Matteo’s words, but eventually, he nods before setting up the space he’ll need for all his stuff.

Once David is settled, Matteo gets started on his cooking. They work in companionable silence, with David’s pencil and Matteo’s stirring sounding through the room to keep them company.

After a while, Matteo looks over at David and watches as he concentrates on his work. He can’t believe that David is actually working so hard on something he doesn’t even have to turn in. Next week Wednesday was the last day of school for them so surely the extra points wouldn’t be doing that much for their grades this late in the game.

But he can’t help but be grateful for David’s stubbornness. If it wasn’t for this extra credit assignment, the wonderful help of Sam, and Sara’s mysterious disappearance, he wouldn’t be here right now with him. And he gets him for the whole week too!

“Do you want a snack?” Matteo asks David when he remembers the snacks that David set out for them earlier. It’s a little bit later in the evening now and Matteo is sure that David is hungry. He must be after concentrating so hard.

David scoffs, “I should be asking you that!” and Matteo laughs because David still doesn’t look up from his work or make any move to indicate that he would be getting their snacks.

So, Matteo walks to the living room and brings him something to snack on, and tells him that dinner will be ready soon. David just hums as a response and Matteo loves it. He loves that this feels right to him. Like he was meant to be here cooking for David while David worked on whatever he needed to work on. Like this was supposed to be who they become eventually.

The thought makes him a little sad. 

There’s no _them_ and whatever future they had, even if David wasn’t dating someone else, probably wouldn’t include them being together. Not like this.

“Matteoooo! Matteo!” David shouts and Matteo’s attention snaps to him.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay? I’ve called your name like five times already and you didn’t answer.”

“Sorry,” Matteo murmurs, “I was thinking about something.”

“Something sad?”

“No,” He lies, “why would I be thinking about something sad?”

David looks him over and Matteo suddenly wishes he was invisible. David’s eyes on him felt like the eyes of the strangers from last night. Was David seeing all of his flaws? Did he see the cracks that were forming all over his body?

“You just looked sad all of a sudden.” David finally says, his brows coming together in what Matteo assumes is worry. “Do you need help with the cooking?”

An involuntary laugh escapes Matteo at his question and his hand flies up to cover his mouth so that nothing else will come out. He gives David an apologetic look when he meets his slightly offended gaze and clears his throat when he moves his hand away from his mouth. “Uh, no I’m almost finished.” 

David’s eyes stay on him for a few more seconds before he huffs and looks away and Matteo has to stop himself from laughing again. Instead, he shakes his head and gets back to work – David was good at a lot of things, but the man could not survive in a kitchen and they all knew it.

Dinner was good, as they both expected since Matteo was such an _amazing_ cook, and they’d spent the whole time laughing and talking about everything and nothing. Once again, there was no mention of Leonie from David and Matteo would never admit it, but he liked that he didn’t.

Although, the time for Matteo to go home came way sooner than he expected tonight.

Suddenly David was packing his things up and telling Matteo that he was exhausted from not sleeping the night before. It was all way too quick and Matteo could do nothing except grab his bag and follow David to the door.

Once again, he was standing on the outside while David was inside and looking at him like they hadn’t just been having a great time.

“I left food for Laura that she can take to work tomorrow,” Matteo says as a way to keep the conversation going.

David nods, “Thanks, again, for dinner. Even though you didn’t have to.”

“It was my pleasure.” Matteo grins, “Besides, how could I deny Laura when she asked so nicely?”

David rolls his eyes at that, laughing quietly. “You’re right.”

“ _Please feed my poor brother,_ ” Matteo repeats Laura’s text in his best _Laura_ voice and he beams when David laughs again.

“That’s spot on.” David grins and Matteo nods happily.

Silence falls over them again but David doesn’t let it last very long.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Matteo.”

Matteo nods, “I’ll be on the bench waiting.” He promises.

David’s silence doesn’t surprise Matteo, he doesn’t even think twice about it. He saw how David’s eyes widened at his words, but it wasn’t what kept him rooted to his spot on this side of the door.

It’s the fact that David is looking at him the way he looked at him earlier when they’d both been standing in this exact spot. There was conflict in David’s expression now, as his eyes moved from Matteo’s and he looked around the empty hallway like he was weighing the pros and cons of a decision.

He waits for David to say something else, to tell him goodbye again or, and this is just wishful thinking, ask him to come back inside and stay the night.

But, David’s eyes return to his, and Matteo can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable with all the attention. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other and bites down on his lip, wondering if he should say something else.

He watches as David’s eyes drift down to his lips and then when his eyes meet Matteo’s, it seems he’s made whatever decision he’d been mulling over.

David takes a determined step forward and Matteo blinks at him, unable to do anything else. David’s lips are on his before he could question him and suddenly, Matteo can’t even remember what he wanted to ask anyway.

The kiss was simple, a chaste kiss that only lasts 2 seconds before they pull away from each other to check the other’s reaction. Their eyes meet and whatever they see makes them pull each other into a searing, dizzying kiss. A kiss that Matteo never thought he would ever get to experience.

Matteo hears his bag hit the floor as he moves to pull David’s face closer to his and he feels David’s fingers move into his hair as he does the same.

After dreaming for so long about kissing David and feeling his body against him like he was _right now_ , Matteo can’t stop the little voice in his head telling him that this wasn’t right. He doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t want to pull away from David. But something was off.

Still, his fingers make their way into David’s hair and he revels in the softness and the sound that David makes at the back of his throat as Matteo tightens his grip.

Matteo’s body doesn’t want to stop kissing David, but Matteo can’t stop the image of Leonie from flashing through his mind. The thought of doing this behind her back made Matteo loosen his grip on David, but David held onto him.

David’s arms make their way down his body and wrap around his waist and Matteo doesn’t stop him when he pulls him closer. He keeps the kiss going, thinking only of the way David was moving his lips against his own. Then David runs his tongue on Matteo’s bottom lip, asking for more, and Matteo freezes.

_This isn’t right._

He wasn’t supposed to be kissing David like this! He shouldn’t be kissing David at all!

David’s eyes widen as Matteo pulls away, his expression no doubt mirroring his. “What are you doing?” Matteo asks, and his words come out harsher than he expects. David’s lips are slightly swollen from the kiss, and Matteo guesses that his lips probably look the same.

“I– Matteo, I–” He watches as David struggles to form words, the determination from before is gone. He has so many questions but nothing is coming out. What about Leonie? Why did he kiss him? How long had he wanted to kiss him? 

Matteo opens his mouth to ask a question when David fails to form a proper sentence for the third time, but then– 

“Hey, why are you two just standing out here?” Laura asks from behind them. 

“Um,” David says, swallowing hard as his eyes dart from Matteo to his sister and back. 

“Actually, I was just leaving.” Matteo announces as he picks up his bag from where he so carelessly dropped it before.

“Matteo–” David says but Matteo ignores him and turns to Laura to give her a half-hearted hug instead. 

“Bye David.” He mutters before he walks away.

He hears Laura ask David if something is wrong but he’s basically running to get out of there he doesn’t hear David’s response. 

The further away Matteo gets from David, the worse he starts to feel. Everything was confusing before, but now it was just so much worse. The fresh air does nothing to stop his brain from thinking of everything that just happened.

There was a part of him that was so excited about this but the other part, the part that’s known Leonie forever, that sorta counts her as a friend after all these years, feels like pure shit. Yes, he got to kiss David and be near David again. He got to be so close to David and he couldn’t believe it. But he didn’t want it to be like this.

Matteo walks to the bus stop, his mood getting worse with each step he takes. By the time he’s on the bus and heading home, he’s so angry at David. How could David do this? How could he kiss him when he had someone else already? What made him think that it would be such a great idea to kiss Matteo like that?

He’s angry at himself, too. How could he let the kiss continue for so long? Was he so desperate for David that he would do such an awful thing to Leonie?

When he steps off the bus, he practically runs to his home. He wishes he could outrun the thoughts in his mind, the way he was insulting himself and David for being so reckless. So careless. _How could they?_

When Matteo finally gets home, he takes a shower and pushes the thoughts out of his brain. If he thinks about it anymore, he thinks he’ll scream.

Once he’s in bed, Matteo sighs and turns to face his window, watching the little spot where the moonlight lights up his room and he hopes he can fall asleep for longer than 2 hours tonight. 

While he was cooking, he was struggling. If it wasn’t because he was doing something, he would’ve fallen asleep at the table again. Now though, he was tired and he hopes his body and his brain would grant him some sort of mercy. With everything that happened today, he needed a few hours of nothing.

After a while, he thinks back to the video that he watched with Sara. While he waits for sleep to hopefully claim him, Matteo decides to test the theory. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes before crossing his arms and reaching up to cradle his face like the girl in the video did.

He softly rubs his thumbs on his cheeks and over his eyes, hoping to simulate some sort of comfort. The caption said that doing this meant you were touch starved but, after a few seconds of holding on to his own face, he felt nothing. 

But then, against his better judgment, he closes his eyes and imagines it’s David. He softly moves his thumb across his eyes and his cheeks and he feels his body calm down. It was weird how safe he felt now that it was David’s hands that he was feeling and not his own. He doesn’t even think about how he shouldn’t be feeling this way.

When Matteo opens his eyes again, it’s bright outside and his phone is ringing loudly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! I decided to add 2 more chapters to this because I need one more David chapter and also a little bit more angst. 
> 
> I will post the chapters ASAP! I’m working on chapter 7 right now and I hope to have it up soon and to have it quickly be followed by chapter 8! I pinky promise lol


	7. i could have been so many things, but it would never be enough for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David faces the consequences of his actions. Some he expects, others...not so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 7! I hope I didn't take too long for y'all lol
> 
> Once again, thank you to my amazing Beta, [Renee](https://saybiforme.tumblr.com/), for reading everything I send to you <3
> 
> The wonderful ending is all thanks to a wonderful anon who had a dream that I just could not ignore! I hope you like what I did, anon! And I hope y'all enjoy this chapter. See you in the next one lol

“What are you doing?” Matteo asks, and suddenly every reason David had for kissing Matteo goes out the window with the tone of his voice. Every word he’s ever known suddenly disappears and he’s a stuttering mess while Matteo waits for his response.

But he can’t come up with anything because he’s never seen those blue eyes so angry. Or at least, he’s never seen those blue eyes so angry at _him_.

Laura showing up helps and hurts the entire situation. Matteo takes it as his opportunity to leave and David still can’t come up with anything except, “Matteo –”, but he doesn’t even look at him.

“Bye David.” He says and then he’s gone.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He hears Laura asks and she sounds so far away it takes him a second to hear it. He slowly turns to look at her and sees the frown that appears when they make eye contact. It’s so quiet that they both hear the door slam as Matteo exits the building and David flinches at the sound.

“I think I fucked up.” David whispers to her and her frown deepens.

“Fucked up how?” Laura asks him and she waits for a response that David can’t give. So, he looks away and turns back into their apartment. Laura follows behind him and sits at the table with him when he sits down.

He decides it’s best for him to work on his project now, but Laura asks him again how he fucked up and David can’t stop the flash of Matteo’s glare that appears at her question.

Laura groans when he doesn’t respond and rests her hand on top of David’s when he reaches out for his pencil. “Hello? Are you going to answer me? Or should I call Matteo and see if he’ll tell me?”

“No!” David quickly says, the panic evident in his tone.

“Okay,” Laura says slowly, “then tell me what happened. You look terrified, David.”

David laughs but it comes out strained even to his ears. Yes, he was terrified. He might’ve just ruined the best friendship he’s ever had. All because he couldn’t stop himself anymore.

“We kissed,” He finally says after a couple of seconds of quiet. “I don’t think he really wanted to kiss me, though.”

“How could you know that?” Laura asks softly.

“You saw how quickly he left, Laura. Do you think that if he wanted to kiss me, he would’ve left like that?” _Also, Laura, he has a girlfriend but I haven’t told you that yet because if I say it out loud to you then it’s real,_ David thinks to himself, and he wonders what type of person just kisses someone who is taken. Was he that type of person now?

Laura sighs and squeezes his hand, “Maybe he just got overwhelmed.” She says and David scoffs.

“No, I don’t think that’s it.” He says, recalling his words and his eyes, his angry eyes. “You should’ve seen the way he looked at me, Laura,” David tells her, and his voice breaks at the memory. “He looked so angry.” He feels his eyes burning and moves his hands from under Laura’s so he can put them over his eyes as he continues, his voice shaking. “He’s never looked at me that way, Laura.”

“Oh, David,” Laura whispers and soon she’s next to him and her arms are wrapped around him, trying to bring him some sort of comfort. “Why don’t you just call him? You two need to talk about this.”

David knows she’s right, but he’s sure Matteo wouldn’t want to talk to him right now. Not with how quickly he left. Would he tell Sara what David did? Did he just fuck up his friendship with her too? He shakes his head at the thought and a loud sob escapes him.

Laura tightens her grip around him. “I don’t think–I don’t think he wants to talk to me right now.” He manages to say before his emotions completely take over. What if he ruined everything with Matteo? What if Matteo never spoke to him because of it? Just the thought of it makes another loud sob sound through the room.

Laura stays with him, murmuring words of comfort. She tells him that everything will be okay after they talk and how Matteo might just need a while to calm down. She tells him not to worry and when he finally calms down, Laura encourages him to work on his project to get his mind off of it.

She stays with him at the table and David appreciates the company, but soon he sees that she’s having a hard time keeping her head up and he feels guilty for keeping her here with him for so long.

“Laura, go to bed.” He says and he stands up to help her to her room.

“I’m fine,” Laura tells him, pushing his hands away when he gets close to her. “I want to stay here with you. I’ll just make a coffee.”

“Laurrrraaaa,” David whines and shakes her shoulder. “Please don’t stay awake because of me. You need your rest more than I do. I’ll be fine, I promise.”

Laura frowns and squints up at him, “You don’t look like you’ll be fine.”

“I promise I’ll be fine.” David tells her, “I’ll just work on the hands until I get tired enough, and then I’ll go to bed.”

“What time is it right now?” She asks him and David grabs his phone to check the time.

“It’s one in the morning.” He says and shows her his screen.

Laura groans, “You should sleep too, David. You have to be up in the morning just like I do.”

“Yes, but I have something I need to have done in the next 2 days, you don’t. My being up late is justified.”

Laura rolls her eyes but she stands up and knocks David’s hands away again when he goes to help her to her room. “Make sure you get to bed soon, David. At some point, those dark circles aren’t going to look good on you.”

“How can you say that?” David gasps, “These dark circles are 90% of what makes me so hot.”

Laura laughs and shakes her head, “Shut up. Goodnight.”

David grins at her when she looks back at him once more and he doesn’t sit down until he hears her door shut.

He looks down at the drawing and reaches out to trace Matteo’s hand, remembering the way he gripped his hair earlier.

What a sweet memory it would’ve been if David hadn’t rushed it like that. What a sweet memory it would’ve been if Matteo didn’t already have someone he clearly wanted to kiss instead.

David sighs and picks up his pencil again, pushing the thoughts of the kiss out of his mind. He’ll talk to Matteo tomorrow. He’ll beg Matteo for his forgiveness, Sara too if she knew about it, and then everything will be okay. They’ll put all of this behind them and it’ll be normal again.

He’ll do whatever to make sure Matteo doesn’t look at him like that again.

•••

Matteo isn’t at school. Or at least, he isn’t where he usually is when David gets there.

Yesterday when David walked into the building, Matteo and Sara were sitting at the bottom of the steps watching something on her phone.

David’s heart had broken at the sight of Sara resting her head so comfortably on Matteo’s shoulder and he’d had to get away from there as soon as possible.

He found himself wishing that he would stumble upon them the same way today, even if they’d both be pissed at him, but there was no sign of Matteo the entire morning. 

Which, in hindsight, was expected. It wasn’t like they really saw each other in the morning. Usually, if they didn’t meet up in the morning before classes, they’d see each other at lunch.

So, David went to his classes as usual and pushed the panic to the back of his mind. If Matteo doesn’t show up to lunch, however, then maybe that’s when he’ll go to plan b.

Lunch comes and almost ends without the appearance of Matteo or Leonie. David wishes she was near so she could tell him what to do. Or so she could just yell at him for being an idiot.

He’s sitting at the table alone, pushing his food around on his plate when he hears the chair scrape against the floor as someone sits across him.

“Matteo?” He asks as he looks up but he’s met with Sam’s confused smile and he can’t help the disappointment in his voice when he greets her. “Oh, hey Sam.”

Sam chuckles, “Whoa, David, chill, you don’t have to throw a party.” She says sarcastically. 

David sighs and shakes his head, “I’m sorry. I thought you were Matteo.”

“Yeah, I got that part. Did he not come to lunch today?”

“I haven’t seen him at all today, actually,” David tells her, sounding more and more pathetic as he goes on. “Have you?” He asks her, hoping to find out that he was _somewhere_ in the building.

Sam shakes her head and reaches over and takes an uneaten broccoli off his plate, “No, I haven’t seen him since Monday. Why? When did you last see him?” She pauses as she chews for a few seconds and when David doesn’t respond, her eyes squint suspiciously. “Did something happen between you two?”

“No!” David’s response was too quick and he knows it. Sam looked a little interested before but now her brows were raised and a smirk was on her lips.

“Are you sure about that?” Sam asks, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the table. “Cause you don’t sound so sure to me, Schreibner.”

Sighing, David runs his fingers through his hair and shakes his head. “Something might have happened between us…and I don’t know where we stand now.” He shakes his head again and scoffs, “Actually, I’m pretty sure where we stand now but I’m not 100% sure and I’m trying to be calm and rational about this but to be honest, Sam, I’m the one that messed up. Like literally he has every reason to not want to see me, you know? Why did I even think it was a good idea to kiss him? It was such a reckless deci–”

“You kissed?!” Sam suddenly yells and the silence that follows her question quickly pulls David out of his panicked rambling. He ducks his head and widens his eyes at her.

“Why would you yell that!” He whispers and she just laughs and waves away his obvious mortification.

“It’s fine, it’s none of their business anyway. I’m sure they didn’t even hear me.” Sam looks around at students that were looking right at them with curious expressions and she gave them alook before turning her attention back to David. “So, you and Matteo kissed?” She asks again, this time whispering the same way he was.

David hesitates as he looks around at the people who were slowly looking away from them before he looks at Sam again and nods. He expects her to scold him, to bring up the fact that Matteo had a girlfriend already and he shouldn’t have kissed him, but she doesn’t do any of that and he’s not sure if he’s grateful or just confused.

“David!” Sam squeals, earning them more curious gazes that they ignore, “That’s so good! But, why are you frowning?”

David looks away, unable to meet her eyes when he speaks again. “Because after I kissed him, he left. He didn’t even look at me.”

“When was this?”

“Last night.”

“And you two haven’t spoken since?”

“No, I was waiting to see him today so I could explain myself face to face.”

Sam nods, “I think you should just call him.”

“That’s what Laura said,”

“It sounds like you two just need to talk,” Sam adds after a while.

“Yeah, Laura said that too.” David frowns and looks at her, “Have you and my sister been meeting up behind my back or something?”

Sam laughs and shakes her head, “No, your sister and I just have something you and Matteo lack right now.”

David’s frown deepens, “Which is?”

“Brain cells, dude.” 

  
  


Matteo didn’t show up for lunch and David decides that he has one more chance to make sure he isn’t here, without going straight to Jonas and finding out from him because he just can’t imagine Jonas asking him if something happened.

Telling Sam wasn’t too bad because Sam already knew everything he was dealing with, but Jonas was Matteo’s best friend, not his. And he definitely didn’t like the thought of lying to him either.

So, David goes through the motions for the rest of the day. When his last class is over, he wants to stay in the class and put off the inevitable for as long as he can. But he forces himself to collect his things and get up from his seat.

He takes as much time as possible walking down the steps, annoying the people who decided to stay behind him despite his slow pace.

Each step he takes, he feels a heaviness weigh on his heart.

He doesn’t want to think the words and he doesn’t want to say them out loud. Not until it’s right in front of him and he has no way to refute it.

David takes a deep breath before he pushes the doors open and steps out into the courtyard.

He’s immediately met with the sight of the empty bench.

David takes his phone out. Time for plan b.

_David (15:33): Are you stuck in class?_

Did he sound as hopeful and desperate as he felt? He watched as the checks appeared and waited for them to turn blue. He ignores the people who pass by him and ignores the pounding in his head and the ache in his chest.

When five minutes pass, David decides that he should call him instead. Maybe he didn’t hear his phone chime when the message from him went through. He presses the phone icon in the chat and brings the phone up to his ear.

It rings twice before it sends him straight to voicemail and David pulls it away from his head, frowning. He tries again and the same thing happens. Once more, David knows that Matteo is deliberately canceling the call.

So, he really didn’t want to talk to him.

The thought makes David finally sit down. Had he really ruined everything with Matteo? How long would it be until Matteo spoke to him? It wasn’t like they had a lot of time where he could corner him in the hallway. Would he have to go find Matteo at his house to make him talk to him?

He brings up the chat again and decides to play the fool instead.

_David (15:47): It’s okay if you can’t make it today_

_David (15:47): I’m almost finished with the project_

He stares at the messages and waits for the checks to turn blue. When they don’t, he sends another message.

_David (15:50): At least you won’t have to sit there and be bored lol_

_Matteo (15:51): 👍_

And that was it. David stands up from his spot on the bench and walks numbly to the bus stop, unsure of what to do now.   
  


Wednesday night comes and goes in a blur of David’s art supplies and his aching wrist, but he refuses to stop working until Laura yells at him to. He won’t tell her why he hasn’t spoken to her yet, but he’s sure that she already connected the dots when she walked in and Matteo wasn’t there like he’s been the last 2 nights.

Thursday passes without any sign of Matteo and David eats lunch alone again, this time Sam doesn’t show up but that’s okay since he’s sure he wouldn’t be good company anyway. He waits outside on the bench for Matteo, but after an hour of him not showing up or texting him to say he won’t make it, he leaves.

That night, David finishes the drawing.

Tomorrow he’ll have to present it along with Sam and he’s proud of all the work he’s done to complete it, even if it’s the night before it’s due. But the accomplishment is bittersweet when he looks up and Matteo isn’t sitting there grinning at him sleepily.

He stares at the hands for a long time wishing that the owner of the hand reaching out to his was there with him.

David grabs his phone and opens his chat with Matteo. After the last message, David understood that Matteo didn’t want to talk to him. He knew that Matteo was at school today, but he didn’t see him once and he’s sure tomorrow will be just the same.

A humorless laugh escapes him as he realizes that now Matteo is the one avoiding him instead of the other way around.

 _Is this how Matteo felt when I avoided him for days?_ David wonders, but laughs again when he remembers that Matteo had Sara so why would it matter if David wasn’t around?

He sighs and locks his phone, setting it down before he starts to clean everything up. Laura hasn’t complained about him basically taking over their living room and coffee table for the entire week, but he’s sure she wouldn’t mind not waking up to it still being messy in the morning.

Of course, he could’ve taken all this to his room since Tuesday when Matteo left but why would he? At least while sitting there and concentrating on his work, he could pretend that the only reason it was so quiet was because Matteo was asleep and he wasn’t completely alone.

When the coffee table is cleared, David picks his phone up again and unlocks it. The chat with Matteo is still open and he makes a decision. He’s sure that Matteo won’t respond to him, but he’s okay with that. He just wants him to see.

He presses on the camera icon and angles his phone properly before taking the picture and sending it to Matteo once he sees that he’s happy enough with the way the photo turns out. Then, he waits.

The message is successfully delivered to him and, despite it being almost 3 am, David hopes Matteo sees it and responds.

He sits there and stares at his phone, willing the checkmarks to turn blue until his screen times out and he’s met with his own sad expression in the black mirror. 

David groans in frustration and covers his face with his hands.

What was he doing waiting for Matteo to respond when he knew he wouldn't? He can take a hint, can’t he?

When it was him ignoring Matteo, Matteo had given him the space he wanted. Can’t David do the same? _Should_ he? This was his fault, after all. Him and his stupidly strong desire to kiss Matteo.

He sighs in resignation and picks up his phone again. He knows he shouldn’t check the message again, but he does anyway. He blinks once, twice, and even rubs his eyes when he sees that the message has been read and that there was a new message waiting for him.

_Matteo (02:47): It looks good_

He stares at it for a long time before realizing that he should respond, he definitely should respond and he’s dumb for not doing so yet.

_David (02:51): Thank you_

He pauses and see’s that Matteo has read his message, but there’s no indication that he’ll respond. So, he decides to write to him again.

_David (02:52): Matteo can we please talk?_

_Matteo (02:54): Good luck with your presentation, David._

Friday morning comes and David feels like a zombie. After he read the message, he knew that whatever he wrote Matteo would stay unread. So, he took the hint and went to sleep. Or, he tried to.

David tosses and turns the entire night until he gives up and just scrolls through his phone, waiting for his alarm to sound.

It was a cruel joke that David stayed up the entire night before his presentation, cruel that his dark circles, that he’d joked about to Laura just a few days ago, were so prominent that Sam suggested he just hold their board up and she’d do everything else, as if she hadn’t done everything else already. He didn’t even help her set the board up like he’d promised. 

His drawing was a hit and they gained the extra points they both wanted, even with David just standing there. He promises Sam that he’ll treat her to lunch one day during their break before exams start and she just pats his head and accepts.

When class is over, David follows Sam out. “Have you seen Leonie anywhere?” He asks her, curious as to where the only other person that knows about his feelings for Matteo has gone. She didn’t even know about the kiss yet because he didn’t want to tell her something like that over a text.

“Lost your girlfriend, have you?” Sam asks, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

David rolls his eyes, “Yeah, I haven’t seen her since Tuesday.”

Sam hums to herself and doesn’t respond until they reach her next class, “I saw her and Sara near some lockers yesterday but I haven’t seen her today.”

David nods, wondering why it took her so long to respond but not asking. It’s good that Leonie was spending time with Sara, she was her actual best friend after all. Just because Leonie likes her doesn’t mean their friendship had to be affected like his and Matteo’s friendship.

But David had tried. He tried to be good for his and Matteo’s sake. His friendship with Matteo was the most important thing to him for so long and he ruined it in just a few seconds after indulging his feelings.

“Good for them,” David says, leaning against the doorway of Sam’s class. “they should be spending time together.” _So maybe I didn’t ruin them,_ David thinks, since Leonie hadn’t come screaming at him for hurting her best friend, _maybe I just fucked everything up with me and Matteo instead._ He’s not sure if he’s happy or sad at the thought. Would it have been better if Matteo broke up with Sara because of it? Better for him and Leonie? Or has Matteo just not told Sara?

Sam snorts, “Yeah, that’s true.” She says and when David looks at her, she looks like she wants to laugh.

“What’s funny?” David asks, but Sam only shakes her head.

“Nothing, nothing. I’ll see you at lunch?”

David nods, confused but too tired to pry. He was just glad that he won’t be eating lunch alone again. “Yes, please.” He says and then hugs her before rushing to his next class.   
  


David doesn’t see Matteo the entire day, but he knows he’s at school. Amira had joined him and Sam for lunch and she’d been talking about the study session she was planning with Matteo as soon as classes were finished.

Apparently, Matteo was adamant about studying and passing his exams on the first try and Amira was happy to help.

“I think he needs a distraction, though.” Amira was telling Sam, both of them ignoring David who was resting his head on his arms. He wasn’t really paying attention to anything they were saying until Matteo was mentioned.

“Distraction from what?” Sam asks and David doesn’t have to look at her to know there’s a frown on her face.

Amira lowers her voice and David hears shuffling as if she was getting closer to Sam, “His mama hasn’t been home for a few days, he says she’s visiting her sister, and Matteo has been alone the whole time. I think there’s more to it but he usually stops there.” Amira sighs, “I’ve just been worried about him, you know?”

“Yeah,” Sam agrees, “I know what you mean.”

Amira hums, “I think he just needs some company, really.”

“What about…?” Sam starts to say and doesn’t finish.

“I’m not sure what’s going on there. It’s been a few weeks, and I can tell it’s affecting him since they’re always _you know_ , but he won’t tell me anything.”

Amira’s response is enough for David to realize they were talking about him and Matteo now. He’s offended for just a second, but it passes quickly. He wants to know what they have to say, he wants to know what’s going on with Matteo.

She sighs, “I thought it was going to get better since…” She pauses and David hears shuffling and Sam hums in agreement before Amira speaks again, “but when I saw him today, he looks worse.”

“Do you know why…?” Amira asks.

“No,” Sam lies. Of course, she knew. David had told her himself. He's glad she's keeping it secret for him, though. Even if they were talking about him like he wasn't there. “but whatever it is, it’s affecting…too.” She says and Amira sighs again.

They’re quiet for a little bit before Amira speaks again, “I think I’ll go first. Should I wake him up?”

“Yeah, I’m done too so might as well. I don’t think he slept at all last night.”

“Hey, David?” Amira says and he feels her hand on his shoulder as she gently shakes him awake. “Sam and I are going to class so you need to wake up before you miss yours.”

David waits a few seconds to wake up, to even stir a little, so that they won’t realize that he heard their entire conversation. When Amira shakes his shoulder again, he groans quietly and slowly lifts his head and squints at them. The squinting wasn’t fake, though, since he’d had his head down for so long the bright cafeteria was a little too much for a few seconds.

“Huh?” David mutters, his eyes moving from Sam, who already had her bag hanging off her shoulder, to Amira, who’s eyes flickered across his face as she waited for him to respond. The concern was evident in both their gazes but neither voiced them and David wasn’t sure if he was glad about that or not.

“We’ve finished our lunch,” Amira tells him and she picks up her bag, “do you wanna walk with us to class?”

David nods and stretches (also not faked) before he picks up his bag and his tray and follows them out.

David spends the rest of the day thinking about what he heard Amira and Sam talking about at lunch. It was obvious they were talking about him and Matteo, it didn’t matter if they never said his name out loud.

He hadn’t known that Matteo’s mother still wasn’t back yet. He didn’t even know that she’d gone anywhere because the last time he’d been to Matteo’s house was when he threw the party and David had left early with Leonie.

These last few days, Matteo hadn’t mentioned anything about his mother not being there and him being alone. He remembers the way Matteo had looked at him when Laura suggested he sleepover and he wanted to punch himself in the face.

Schools finished now and David is walking to the bus, his mind racing. He used to be so good at reading what Matteo needed, but now it was like whatever allowed him to do that was turned off. Had he known that Matteo was alone…maybe he would’ve said yes to him staying over.

He was confused, though. Was Sara not aware of his mother not being there too? Or did Matteo just not tell her either?

David sighs as he finds a seat in the back, thankfully near a window so he can rest his head.

It would be like Matteo to not tell anyone he needed help. He and David had that in common. What brought them closer, though, was the way they could almost sense the way the other was feeling.

Matteo knew when David needed him to follow when he ran away from everyone else, he knew where to find him when he needed to hide. In turn, David knew when Matteo needed to be reassured and cared for when all that he needed was a safe space.

They knew when to push each other and when to coddle each other, when to speak and when it was time to just be quiet. So, of course, David had fallen in love with Matteo after all of that.

David didn’t notice that he missed his stop until a familiar building came into view and the bus slowed to a stop. When he looks up, he realizes that he was near Matteo’s house. In fact…he looks around, hoping that Matteo would get off the bus. Had he been on here the entire time? Could David had cornered him and forced him to talk about what happened?

But, none of the people who get up looks like Matteo, and David feels the ache in his chest return.

Until he catches a glimpse of a familiar mop of messy blonde hair outside and he stands up so quick he has to grab onto the back of another seat to steady himself.

David rushes off the bus and he thinks he’s imagining it, but Matteo seems to be moving quickly away from the bus. He was almost running down the sidewalk.

David rushes to catch up to him, hoping to get to him before he gets inside his house fearing that once there’s a door between them, he’ll lose his nerve to talk to him.

“Matteo!” David calls out, hoping Matteo will stop and turn around. Matteo freezes for just a second before he resumes walking again but it’s enough for David to realize that he heard him and was ignoring him. 

“I know you hear me!” David yells and ignores the questioning looks he gets from the people passing them. “Matteo, come on!” He pleads when Matteo doesn’t turn around.

Matteo reaches his house and David isn’t too far, but he can tell that he wants to get inside quickly with the way he’s fumbling with the keys. David speeds up and gets to him just as he’s opening the door and steps inside. He reaches out and puts his hand on the door to stop Matteo from even thinking about closing it before he can say something. He stays outside and he almost laughs at how they’re mirroring the way they were before they kissed. This time though, Matteo is inside and isn’t looking at him.

“Matteo,” David breathes and Matteo’s eyes snap up to his. Those familiar blue eyes meeting his sends a rush of relief through his body, but it’s quickly pushed away when he realizes that Matteo is glaring at him. “Matteo?” David whispers and even he can hear the confusion in his voice.

“What are you doing here?” Matteo asks, his tone the same as it was when he pulled away from their kiss.

David is, once again, at a loss for words. This was the second time Matteo was speaking to him like this, the second time he was looking at him so harshly, and David can’t take it. He _hates_ it.

“We need to talk, Matteo.” David finally says, “About everything. Please.”

Matteo shakes his head and scoffs, “Now you want to talk?”

David’s heart stutters at his words and he hesitates before nodding, “Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been home alone?” He asks and flinches when Matteo scoffs again. David waits for Matteo to say something but when he doesn’t, he speaks again. “How long has your mom been away?”

Matteo looks away instead of responding and David sighs. “Matteo?” He says again, reaching his hand out to rest it on Matteo’s shoulder.

Matteo flinches away from his touch and those eyes are on him again. “Don’t.” Matteo says through gritted teeth.

David pulls his hand away, his hands balling into fists at his side. He can’t be angry at Matteo, but the rejection hurts nonetheless.

They’re quiet for a while, listening to the cars go by and the faint sound of a train passing miles away. David is watching Matteo’s face carefully as he relaxes his jaw and his shoulders drop whatever tension he’d been holding. The flare of anger seems to fade away with the seconds that pass.

When Matteo’s eyes meet his, they look tired. “I’m so confused, David.” He finally says, and if David wasn’t staring at him, he wouldn’t have heard him.

“Matteo, I–” David starts, ready to apologize and put the blame all on himself. Ready to do or say whatever he needs to say to bring them back to where they were before he messed it all up.

But Matteo speaks up, his words no longer a whisper. “All you’ve done lately is confuse me and I can’t keep doing this with you.”

“Doing what?” David asks, fear suddenly rushing through him.

“This, David!” Matteo half yells as he gestures at the space between them.

“This?” David repeats, flinching at Matteo’s tone. He can hear the panic in his voice when he speaks again. “What do you mean?”

Matteo pauses and looks away. He bites down on his lip as he thinks over whatever he’s planning on telling David next. “I think we need to end this here.” He finally says, his eyes meeting David’s again, but there’s a coldness to them that David has never seen before. Like Matteo is looking right through him. It sends a shiver down his spine.

“Matteo, I don’t understand.” His words echo through his head and David fears he’ll fall over if what he thinks Matteo is saying is actually what’s happening right now.

“Our friendship, David. Whatever _this_ is.” He says, “I think we need to stop.” Matteo stops talking like he’s shocked by his own words, but he doesn’t take them back.

_He doesn’t take them back._

“No, no.” David quickly says, reaching out for him but pulling away just as fast when he remembers how Matteo moved away from his touch before. “Matteo, no. You don’t have to do this, there’s no need.” His voice is shaky and his throat is burning, but he can’t let this happen.

Matteo doesn’t say anything so David speaks again, “I’m so sorry for what I did, Matteo. I should not have done that; I should’ve stopped myself.” He pauses to take in a ragged breath before continuing, “This is my fault, Matteo. I take full responsibility for this and I understand that you’re angry with me but, please, _please_ don’t do this.”

“It’s not fair, David.” Matteo whispers, his words coming out shaky.

“What’s not fair?” David asks, but he knows the answer already. It wasn’t fair to kiss him when he already had someone else. It wasn’t fair for David to act on his selfish desires and put Matteo in an uncomfortable situation. It wasn’t fair that David told Matteo he had a girlfriend and then suddenly kissed him after weeks of ignoring him and pushing him away.

“It’s not fair.” Matteo repeats and he takes a step away from David, who feels like his world is falling apart and he can’t do anything to stop it.

David knows that when Matteo closes that door, he doesn’t know when he’ll see him again. _If_ he’ll see him again. They still had exams, yeah, but they probably won’t cross paths, and yes there was the abiball, but Matteo was never interested in it in the first place so he probably wouldn’t go.

So, this was it for them. This was Matteo choosing to walk away from David, choosing Sara.

This was David’s nightmare all over again but, unlike his nightmare, he wouldn’t wake up from this.

Matteo took one last look at him and David could see the redness around his eyes and nose, and his trembling chin.

David was biting down so hard on his lip he wonders if it will burst. He decides to try one more time. One more time to get his best friend back, one more time to apologize. He opens his mouth to speak but Matteo beats him to it again.

“Goodbye, David.” He says and quickly closes the door before David could say anything else.

This is David’s nightmare.


	8. oh, to see without my eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matteo reacts to David kissing him. All he can do is ignore him until he can figure out what to do.  
> But what he comes up with hurts too much and David won't let it happen. So, how will this end?

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

Matteo wants to break his phone into pieces. He wants to throw it across the room and not think twice about the repercussions.

Ever since this morning, his phone has been going off. First, it was the alarms. 

Every five minutes the annoying sounds would wake him, and every five minutes he’d hastily hit the power button and turn away from his phone.

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

What he should’ve done was shut the whole thing off, but the effort was too much. He didn’t want to open his eyes and face the bright morning sun. He didn’t want to think about anything except the small button on the side of his phone that he only needs to be pressed once for the annoying shrills to stop. But it seems like not even that was going to stop whoever was calling him.

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

His phone goes off again, and the vibration shakes his whole bed. It reaches all the way into his brain and all he wants is for it to _stop_. Is it too much to ask for some quiet? For some sleep? Is it too much to ask for his brain to just be allowed to shut off for a few more hours before he has to deal with the shit he’s trying so hard not to think about right now?

The sound stops and Matteo sighs.

 _Finally_ , he thinks. But the silence doesn’t last long and the shrills are back again.

He groans loudly and finally opens his eyes.

 _Okay,_ he thinks. _Okay, maybe it’s not–_

He doesn’t let himself think of the name, doesn’t let himself even picture their face. Instead, he pats around his bed for his phone and when he finally finds it, he’s relieved to see the picture of him and Jonas on the screen.

“What?” He doesn’t mean to sound so harsh; it even shocks him how his words come out.

“Huh? Matteo?” Jonas’s voice comes through the phone, nice and clear with worry.

“Yeah, what is it?” Matteo asks, this time trying to soften his tone. Jonas wasn’t at fault, after all.

“Hey man, I wanted to check on you…since you’re not here at school. Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine, just haven’t been sleeping really well so I’m taking the day,” Matteo says, and it’s not completely a lie. Sleeping through the night has been almost nonexistent for him the last few weeks. Well, except for last night. 

Last night was the first night he’d slept the whole way through, but he doesn’t want to think about the reasons why.

“Oh? Do you want me to come over later? I can bring food.”

“No, it’s okay, I’m not too hungry right now.”

“You might be hungry later, Matteo.”

“I have leftovers.”

Jonas sighs, “Okay, fine. Call me if you need anything, though.”

“Yeah, okay. Bye.” Matteo quickly hangs up without looking at his screen and pushes his phone away from him.

He doesn’t want to see his home screen. He doesn’t want to think about who was in the photo. He doesn’t want to think about the bright smile that would meet him if he even so much as tilted the screen to face him. He can’t.

Matteo rolls over and faces away from his phone. He was going back to sleep because while he was sleeping, he wouldn’t be thinking.

He’s not ready to think just yet.

  
  


Matteo flops down on his bed, feeling the rush of his high course through his body. He hasn’t touched his weed for a long time, but he needed it today. 

He needs his brain to be in a haze, needs everything to feel floaty and far away. _He_ needs to feel floaty and far away.

There’s movement next to him and he turns his head to meet David’s heavy-lidded gaze and lazy smile.

Matteo sends his own lazy smile his way.

He sighs happily and reaches his hand out to David, the movement proving to be difficult because his hands are heavy for some reason, but he tries until his fingers are close enough to his.

“Why are you making me choose, David?” He asks when David’s fingers link with his. The sensation of holding David’s hand makes him feel as if he’s floated higher.

Matteo’s eyes are on their linked fingers and David doesn’t say anything until Matteo looks up at him again.

“Pick me, Matteo.” David whispers to him and his smile is so bright and blinding Matteo has to close his eyes.

He feels David shift and then there are lips pressed against his cheek. Matteo grins.

“Choose me, Matteo.” David whispers and presses a kiss to his other cheek.

David moves and his next words are almost an exhale, their mouths close together when David continues. “Love me, Matteo.”

Matteo sighs, his whole body relaxing as David’s breath washes over his face. _“But what about Leonie?”_ He starts asking, but David’s lips are on his now and he forgets he ever had a question.

_Ding!_

Matteo’s eyes snap open and he jumps awake to an empty room. He searches around for a trace of the heavy-lidded boy of his dreams, but there’s nothing. He’s alone.

He sighs and flops back down onto his bed, throwing one of his arms over his eyes to shield out whatever light he could. The sun had shifted and now it wasn’t as bright and blinding as it was when he’d first woken up, but he still didn’t want to be awake. It was still too much.

He thinks back to the dream he was just having and the way he expected to have company when he’d woken up. He didn’t want to think about David, but it seemed his brain was forcing him to think about him anyway.

_Pick me, Matteo._

Matteo scoffed as he remembered the words dream David spoke to him. David shouldn’t be the one wanting to be picked, not when it came to Matteo. There was no one to choose from if it wasn’t David. So what sense did that dream even make? Was his brain just torturing him further with impossible things?

_Ding!_

His phone sounds through his room and Matteo realizes that that was what woke him up. He turns his attention to where he heard the sound coming from, and he reaches out to pat around until his hand lands on it.

There are several texts from Jonas, Amira, and Sara. There’s one from David too, but he ignores it as he skims through the others before locking his phone again.

A few minutes later, his phone sounds again. And Again.

He ignores it.

He’s sure he knows who it is, it was around the time they’d meet up anyway, but he doesn’t want to check it.

Well, he does want to check it, but he knows he shouldn’t. 

He should ignore David, should leave his messages unread so he’d understand that Matteo didn’t want to talk to him.

The 2-minute message alert sounds through his room and it just fuels Matteo’s annoyance. It wasn’t the phone’s fault, but he wanted to throw it across the room.

Couldn’t David take a hint? Wasn’t it clear since Matteo missed an entire day of school simply to avoid him? Or had it somehow gone over his head?

When the next text comes through, Matteo groans loudly in frustration at David’s persistence. 

He was doing this on purpose.

Matteo reaches over and unlocks his phone, opening his messages with David.

_David (15:33): Are you stuck in class?_

_David (15:47): It’s okay if you can’t make it today_

_David (15:47): I’m almost finished with the project_

_David (15:50): At least you won’t have to sit there and be bored lol_

Matteo rolls his eyes at the messages, whatever annoyance he had before rising with each deliberately clueless text. He knew what David was doing and he was going to play right into it.

_Matteo (15:51): 👍_

He locks his phone for the final time and pushes himself up and off his bed, deciding that now was the perfect time to shower and find something to eat.

Eventually, he and David will have to talk about what happened in the doorway. But right now, Matteo needs some food. He suddenly wishes he’d said yes to Jonas when he’d offered to come over after school.

Matteo sits down at his kitchen table, the emptiness of the house more evident in this room than anywhere else. He hated it.

So, he quickly eats his food and does his best to keep his mind as empty as possible for the time being. Instead, he focuses on each bite until there is nothing left.

When he’s finished with his food, he cleans up before heading back up to his room to shower and get ready for bed.

Tomorrow, he’s going to school. He can’t sleep his days or his problems away, no matter how much he wants to, and what use was it to miss days when he was so close to the finish line?

Besides, he’s sure that Jonas would show up at his doorstep tomorrow, with Amira in tow, if he didn’t show up and he _definitely_ didn’t want that.

Much to his surprise, Matteo falls asleep as soon as his head hit his pillow. It was still too early and he was fully prepared to deal with a few hours of staring at his ceiling followed by a sleepless night, but thankfully his brain spared him the loud silence. 

Unfortunately, that didn’t mean it would spare him from the dreams about David.

He slept for almost 12 hours, not including the fact that he slept most of the day, but he was still tired.

On the bus ride to school, Matteo thinks over his dream from last night.

There was no ignoring the David situation now. Not when David haunted his dreams all night, kissing him and urging him to choose him.

Matteo couldn’t understand what he was choosing from, though. When his dream self would open his mouth to ask David what he meant, David’s lips would meet his and he’d forget it.

His dream self was weak, but Matteo couldn’t blame him. He could still feel David’s lips on his even though they were only there for a short time.

When he gets to school, he sends Jonas a quick text to tell him he’ll be heading to their class first. He’s sure he didn’t miss anything, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask.

Besides, he couldn’t exactly sit at his usual place to wait for Jonas when he knows David will probably be looking for him. It’s easy to escape him through texts, but he’s not sure what he would say if David confronts him today.

As expected, he didn’t miss anything for his class so he finds his seat and rests his head on his arms while he waits for classes to start.

There’s not enough time for a nap so Matteo’s mind wanders back to his dream, thinking over dream David’s words.

What choice could he make that would improve the situation with David? Is it possible to just ignore him for a few days and then just pretend nothing happened? Go back to normal where Matteo is watching him be in love and kissing someone that wasn’t him and wanting so badly for it to be him?

If David asks Matteo to keep their kiss a secret, would he? Could he look Leonie in the eye and pretend like he didn’t think about her boyfriend’s lips on his? 

What if he saw them today, could he act like he couldn’t still feel David’s lips on his? How long would it take for him to forget about the kiss, anyway?

What happens if Matteo keeps the secret and David kisses him again? Or he kisses David this time because he just can’t stop himself from doing it? 

What if David wants to be with him but doesn’t want to break up with Leonie? Could he do it?

Matteo sighs, thinking of what it would be like if he was David’s secret. Imagining the two of them running off to do whatever they want, unbeknownst to any of their friends. Just the thought of David stealing kisses and touches when they’re around others makes his face heat up. 

It would probably start off exciting, but he’s sure something would go wrong. He couldn’t lie to Leonie’s face like that. Sure, they weren’t exactly friends, but he didn’t like the thought of betraying her when she’d never done anything to him. He feels guilty just thinking about it.

There’s also the fact that Matteo isn’t open to sharing. Not the person he’s dating, anyway.

He’s liked David for so long he’s not even sure when it switched. One day David was just one of his best friends and then, before he knew it, David was everything.

So, was that the choice? Either he had David as his friend and watched as he was with someone else, or he became David’s secret? Was there a third option? Was there a way Matteo could just _be_ with David and that’s it? No one gets hurt, no one is hidden, no one has to be alone and miserable.

_Is there a third option?_

The seat next to Matteo scratches across the floor and Matteo lifts his head to greet Jonas, grateful for the distraction from his racing mind.

“Hey, na?” Jonas asks and Matteo shrugs. “Did you get some sleep last night?”

“Yeah,” Matteo scoffs, “but it didn’t help shit. I’m still tired.”

Jonas nods and Matteo watches him as he pulls his notebook and pen out of his bag, a thoughtful expression on his face the entire time. When he’s done, he turns back to Matteo, “What if you come to the gym with me and Carlos? He’s trying to bulk up and it might help you sleep better.”

Matteo pushes himself up in a sitting position to stretch as he laughs, sure that Jonas is making a joke. “I’m barely here right now and you want me to go to the gym? I’d probably pass out.”

Jonas rolls his eyes, “Exercising helps you sleep better! There are studies about it that proves this!”

Matteo shakes his head and laughs again, “Nah, I don’t think I can handle that right now.”

“What do you mean?” Jonas asks, frowning.

“Huh?”

“What do you mean you don’t think you can handle it right now? Is something going on?”

_Oh, fuck._

Matteo quickly shakes his head, panicking. If he didn’t want to talk to David about what happened, he definitely didn’t want to talk to Jonas about it. “No, no! Everything is okay!” He lies, “I just don’t want to spend my last days of school sore from head to toe.”

Jonas doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, and it feels like forever for Matteo’s racing heart. He looks Matteo over before he scoffs and shakes his head. “Stretching helps with sore muscles, Matteo. What a lame excuse.”

“Whatever,” Matteo mumbles, relieved. He waits for Jonas to continue with the exercising talk, but then the teacher calls the class to order, and their focus switches to her.

Avoiding David is almost a total success. Matteo spends the day looking over his shoulder, nervous that he would walk right into David and be forced to deal with everything. Sure, he wasn’t ignoring it anymore, but that didn’t mean he wanted to deal with it, or David, right now.

Was he being mean? Probably. But he wasn’t the one who had a girlfriend but kissed their best friend anyway. David would just have to handle him being mean for the time being.

He sees David twice, though. Both times he wants to rush to him, but he stops himself before he did and goes the other way instead.

The first time was when he followed the boys to lunch. Matteo agreed to join them, but when he catches a glimpse of David alone at one of the tables he quickly mumbles an excuse and runs the other way.

If you would’ve told him a few days ago that he’d be sitting in an empty classroom his entire lunch break to avoid David, he would not have believed you.

The second time he sees David, he’s walking behind him.

Matteo didn’t expect David to leave the building before he did since he was usually the one waiting for him when they were riding the bus together. He thought he was being safe, but whatever was keeping David in his class the last few days didn’t keep him today.

He pauses for a few seconds and lets a few people pass him before he starts walking again, hoping to get lost in the crowd.

For a second, a split second, he wonders if David is going to text him again. 

Would he ignore it like yesterday or respond with another emoji? 

But David surprises him.

David _does_ take his phone out and looks at the screen, but then he sits on the bench and looks around. Matteo is a good distance away so he’s not too worried about David seeing him, but he knows he can’t stay.

He has to go. 

He has to think everything over and then talk to him about it. 

He needs to be prepared for whatever happens when they finally talk about it because he’s sure that if he spoke to David right now, if he walks up to him and sat beside him like he wanted to, he’s sure he’d agree to whatever David suggests.

He misses David and seeing him sitting there all alone and waiting for him, because there’s no doubt in his mind that that’s not what David is doing, makes him miss him even more.

But he pulls his hoodie up and looks straight ahead as he walks away from him.

_“What about Leonie?”_ Matteo wants to ask, but David’s lips are on his before he could say anything else and he forgets he even had a question.

David is balancing himself with one hand and caressing Matteo’s face with the other as he kisses him. His thumb softly moves from his cheek to his eye and then back down to his cheek once more before he pulls away and smiles down at him. David’s thumb moves over his lips and Matteo grins at him, reaching up to pull his face back down to his.

“Pick me, Matteo.” David whispers against his lips.

Matteo tilts his head and frowns, “Why do you keep saying that?”

David doesn’t answer him. Instead, he leans in and presses his lips to Matteo’s and everything goes dark.

When Matteo opens his eyes again, he’s standing in front of the school and David is sitting on the bench looking at his phone. 

Matteo looks around when he notices the silence after a few seconds of him just staring at David, waiting to see if he’ll look up at him. 

They’re completely alone.

No cars passing by, no sign of life anywhere except for the wind quietly rustling leaves on the nearby trees, and him and David.

“David, what’s going on?” Matteo asks, and even though he’s not far away from him, David doesn’t react to his voice. “Hello? Earth to David?” Matteo frowns and walks over to him, getting annoyed when David continues to ignore him.

He’s standing in front of David now, looking down at him and trying to see what’s so important on his phone that he can’t answer Matteo when he calls him. But, the screen is black and Matteo can only see David’s reflection and his own as he leans over him.

David finally looks up, but he only worriedly looks around for a few seconds before he looks back down at his phone. He didn’t even notice that Matteo was there.

“David?” He tries again, “Why aren’t you answering me?” 

David looks up at these words, his expression blank. He doesn’t say anything for a long time and Matteo can’t do anything but stare at him, occasionally shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other as he waits.

“Now you want to talk?” David asks him. Matteo’s eyes widen at his words and anger courses through his body at David’s nerve. He takes a step away from him, ready to use the anger and annoyance and betrayal that he’s been feeling ever since he started ignoring him weeks ago.

But then David’s phone lighting up and a very loud _ding!_ turns both their attentions away from each other and back to the bright screen that seems to get brighter the more they look at it. Matteo squints and tries to see the message that appears but soon everything is so bright he has to close his eyes.

When he opens them again, he’s back in his room and his phone is illuminating his room with a recent notification.

Matteo rubs his eyes and stretches before reaching out to unlock his phone and sees there’s an unread message from David.

He notices that it’s almost 3 am and he frowns, wondering why David would be writing him so late.

His finger hovers over the message, debating if he should open it or not. When his screen goes dark, he unlocks his phone and opens the message. He had no expectations for what it would be, but he didn’t think it would be a picture of David’s completed project.

“You work fast, don’t you?” Matteo whispers to his phone as he zooms into the photo to take in the details, feeling a little proud. It was very well done for something that was so rushed, but he’s not surprised. This was David’s passion, after all. He was going to do a perfect job with or without Matteo’s help.

Matteo sighs as he thinks about the two days he got to spend with David and how happy and at peace and at _home_ he felt the entire time he was with him. He wishes he could go back to how they were before everything got awkward. He wasn’t sure when that was, though. Because it was way before David kissed him that things had started to change.

Suddenly, David wasn’t sitting with him at lunch anymore, they didn’t meet up at their lockers to chat in between classes, and David stopped texting him and calling him throughout the day. Even at his party, when he hoped to spend more time with David, David had left with Leonie before Matteo could even get to him.

The screen goes dark again and he’s quick to unlock it this time. He types a short message to David and locks his phone without waiting to see if he’ll read it or respond.

Matteo brings his phone up to his chest and holds it close and tells himself that he isn’t waiting for a response from David. When his phone sounds off, he _most definitely_ doesn’t rush to unlock it and read the message.

_David (02:51): Thank you_

Disappointment courses through him when he reads his response, but he’s not sure what exactly he expected. He stares at the message for a full minute, wondering if David would write to him again or if he should just go to sleep.

A new message pops up before he can make his decision.

_David (02:52): Matteo can we please talk?_

Matteo scoffs as he reads the message and dream David’s words come to mind as he reads it over. _Now you want to talk?_

Matteo shakes his head at the memory and sends a message back to David before he locks his phone.

_Matteo (02:54): Good luck with your presentation, David._

He needs to sleep. He hopes he won’t dream about David again tonight.

Friday morning comes and Matteo wakes up feeling more rested than he’s felt all week. Once he’d gone back to sleep, that was all he did.

It had been a while since he’d slept without dreaming of anything or anyone, but it was a pleasant surprise that he was not going to complain about.

On his bus ride to school, he took the time to take in the view and admire the city. Usually, it was a bit busy in the morning and he has spent more mornings standing up and waiting for his stop to come than he did sitting. This morning, though, everything fell into place.

When he gets to school, Amira hands him a breakfast burrito and Jonas has some juice waiting for him.

“What’s this for?” He asks them and Amira shrugs.

“I had extra and you got here before Sam did.” She tells him. Her gaze suddenly shifts and a wide grin appears on her face at whatever she sees.

“Got here before Sam for what?” Sam asks from behind him.

“For this breakfast burrito.” Matteo happily says, rushing out of her reach when she moves to snatch it out of his hands. He hides behind Jonas and laughs loudly when Jonas keeps him safe and away from Sam’s grabby hands.

“That’s not fair.” Sam pouts, turning to look at Amira, who only shrugs.

“Should’ve come a few seconds earlier,” Amira says apologetically, grinning when Sam pouts even harder.

“Here,” Matteo says, “I’ll share with you.” He tears the burrito in half as best as he can, giving the part still in the wrapper to Sam. “But you can’t have any of my juice!”

Sam shrugs and takes her half, immediately taking a bite, “Danke!” She says happily to both Amira and Matteo.

Jonas grins and rolls his eyes, turning to Matteo, “Na?”

Matteo nods, his mouth still full.

He puts his arm around Matteo’s shoulder and they both say goodbye to Sam and Amira before they walk up the steps to their first class.

As they walk out of sight of the others, Matteo catches a glimpse of David when he enters the building. He watches as he notices Amira and Sam and walks over to them with a small smile on his lips.

Even from the second floor, he can see how tired David looks.

The day was going way too well, in Matteo’s opinion. The boys didn’t want to eat lunch in the cafeteria so they spent their break on the roof, sharing snacks and passing the time until they had to be in their next class. Matteo hadn’t laughed so hard in a long time, and it seems as if his friends noticed because they kept on with it until they absolutely had to leave.

In his next class, Amira hands him candy and her notes she’d been writing for the exams they’d have to take together.

He knew Amira was worried about him and could see it whenever she handed him notes or candy or anything that he guesses she thinks will cheer him up. He’d let it slip once that his mama hasn’t been home for a few days and knew she noticed how he stopped the conversation right there. 

When she asked about David, Matteo changed the subject and she left it alone. And then, in an attempt to find _some way_ out of his house during their break, because David was acting weird and Jonas would ask too many questions, he asked her to help him study and she agreed as long as he promised to take it seriously. So now she brings him notes every day, usually with some candy, and Matteo secretly thinks he’s being pavlov’d but he doesn’t really mind. 

“Thank you,” Matteo says to her as he looks it over. 

He feels a little guilty, though, because he hadn’t been paying much attention to the last set of notes she’d given him. He couldn’t even tell you what either of them was about because he’d simply taken a photo and handed it back to Amira the next day. His mind was too busy thinking about David to do much of anything else. 

Even though they wouldn’t start their official studying until school was out, Amira said it was better to start looking them over now to get their minds prepared. It didn’t make much sense to him, but he trusts Amira’s process. 

He silently promises her that he’ll get started on them later today when he’s home. It’s not like he had anything else to do. 

By the time he’s out of school, he realizes the day has been too perfect. It was suspicious how good of a day he’d been having after so many crappy ones. 

He saw David once, yes, and the sight of him made his heart ache in the way he’s become familiar with these days but after that, there was no sight of him. He’d half expected Amira to bring him up when they were in class earlier, but she was too focused on the assignment they were given to even pay him much attention.

He hesitates as he walks out of the building, wondering if he’ll see David sitting there waiting again. When he catches sight of the bench, it’s empty and Matteo releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding. He’s not sure if it’s in relief or disappointment.

Of course, he still wasn’t ready to talk to David. But maybe he wanted to see him there waiting for him? Was it cruel to want to see him actually fight for him? Just a little? 

Ever since David started acting weird, Matteo was always the one trying to get his attention so it was nice to see David trying this time. Matteo sighs as he heads to the bus stop. Perhaps David had given up since he wasn’t here waiting for him now. Maybe Matteo’s text last night had been enough to make him leave Matteo alone. 

Is he happy or sad about this? He can’t tell, but the ache was attacking in full force.

When Matteo gets on the bus, he finds a seat close enough to the door that he wouldn’t have to go through a lot of people when his stop came up. He watches as the bus fills up with people from his school and is just about to turn his attention to his phone when David comes into his field of vision.

Matteo tenses, expecting David to lock eyes with him and come talk to him. He couldn’t get away now, not when the doors were closing and they were about to start moving.

But David doesn’t notice him. Instead, he watches as David walks in the opposite direction and finds a window seat.

For the entire bus ride, David’s brows are furrowed as he looks out the window. There is a faraway look in his eyes like he isn’t even looking at the cars passing by. Like he was in his own little world. For this reason, Matteo can’t keep his eyes off of him.

When they get to his stop and David doesn’t stand up to leave, Matteo wonders about what was keeping him so distracted that he doesn’t notice he was on the bus much longer than usual. For a second, he wants to send him a text to tell him he missed his stop, but then the bus is moving and Matteo loses his nerve.

He wonders how long it would take for David to feel eyes on him and turn and see him there. How long would it take for David to realize he missed his stop while thinking about whatever was keeping him so occupied?

Time passes, though, and David doesn’t look up or notice he’s missed his stop, which annoys Matteo.

What was on his mind? Leonie? Himself? Matteo rolls his eyes at the thought of David thinking of him so much that he ignored everything else. 

_Of course, he’s thinking about his girlfriend,_ he thinks. Matteo was only his friend, after all. 

Or maybe he was thinking about school and his presentation. He wants to ask if it went well, his arm was in it after all, but he knows he would only be doing it because he wants David to think of him. Even for a moment. 

He finally looks away from David, deciding to watch the door until it was time for him to get off. But his eyes drift back to David without him telling them to and the annoyance is still there but there’s something else too.

Was waiting for him yesterday and a simple text enough for David to just not care about Matteo at all? Did he put in all the effort he would put and now that was it? No more texts, no calls, no trying to look for him in the halls or at their bench? All the effort just used up with a simple text being ignored? 

And if that was the case, did David actually see him when he got on the bus but was just ignoring him? Or is he just being paranoid? 

When they get to his stop, Matteo is the first to stand up but he has to wait for a few people to go before he can.

As soon as his feet touch the sidewalk, his annoyance switches to himself.

What did it matter if David saw him and was ignoring him if _he_ didn’t want to talk to David anyway? Why would he want David to look up and see him when he knows _very well_ that _he_ isn’t prepared for something like that to happen right now? Is he so desperate for David’s eyes on him again that he’ll get angry just because he wasn’t noticed?

“Matteo!” A voice says and Matteo freezes. Is he so desperate for David’s attention that he’ll imagine hearing his voice calling for him? 

He sighs and speeds up, deciding that he needs to be inside right now and not imagining the voice of the person he wants to hear the most. Was this him having a breakdown? Did the thread finally snap and now he was hallucinating?

“I know you hear me!” The voice yells and Matteo ignores it until he notices the people around him looking at something behind him. He goes to turn but then–

“Matteo, come on!” David yells and Matteo realizes that he isn’t imagining David’s voice. He _was_ behind him, _he_ _was_ calling his name, _and he was getting the attention of everyone around them_.

 _Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck._ He isn’t ready for this. Not for this conversation, not to be cornered like this. What will he even say? He hasn’t even come up with a third option yet!

Matteo quickly pulls his keys out of his pocket and takes the last few steps until he’s at his front door. He fumbles with the keys and ignores the footsteps that get closer and closer the more he messes up with his keys and he wonders why he even has so many if he doesn’t even go anywhere.

When he finally gets it into the lock, he turns it quickly and pushes the door open.

He’s already inside and starts to close the door, doing his best to keep his eyes down and pretend he doesn’t see David walking up to him when David pushes his hand out and stops him from closing the door.

David doesn’t move or try to come inside and Matteo doesn’t look up. He keeps his eyes on David’s tennis shoes, wondering how he manages to not scuff them up as quickly as he does with his.

He tries not to think about the fact that they were mirroring the way they were when they last saw each other.

He tries not to think about the way David looked at him before he kissed him.

He tries not to think about kissing David.

Would he do the same thing now?

“Matteo,” David finally says and Matteo’s eyes immediately find his. He hates that he reacts so quickly to him being so close and saying his name. He knew this would happen and because of that, the annoyance comes back.

There was a small smile on David’s lips when Matteo looks at him, but the smile fades as the seconds pass and Matteo says nothing.

“Matteo?” David says, looking confused.

“What are you doing here?” Matteo asks, the words coming out harsher than he expects.

David flinches at his tone and doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. His eyes searched Matteo’s face and if it wasn’t for the hand he kept on the door, Matteo would’ve shut him out already.

“We need to talk, Matteo. About everything.” David says and he moves his hand away from the door. “Please.” He adds when Matteo doesn’t say anything.

“Now you want to talk?” Matteo scoffs and shakes his head in disbelief. Where was this urgency when Matteo was the one chasing after him? Where was David when Matteo was waiting for him to contact him and he never did? He briefly considers closing the door now that David wasn’t holding it, but he doesn’t.

David nods hesitantly. “Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been home alone?” He asks, and while it’s not what Matteo expects him to say, it’s not what he wants to hear either. What did it matter that his mother was away? It’s not like David actually cared. 

He scoffs and rolls his eyes and David pauses, looking at him expectantly. When Matteo doesn’t say anything again, he continues. “How long has your mom been away?”

Matteo looks away and stays silent. He wants to yell at David and ask him why he suddenly had an interest in his life when they’d gone days without talking to each other because he was too busy getting himself a girlfriend.

He wants to make him angry and feel the way he’s been feeling for weeks because he left him behind and didn’t pay any attention to him until _he_ forced him to.

Matteo wants to ask him what the point of it all was if he was just going to confuse him further. Why did he agree to have Matteo help him? Why did he get a girlfriend and then kiss him?

Why did he make Matteo feel so safe and wanted and _loved_ and like something was eventually going to happen between them and then just leaving him behind like he was nothing?

But he doesn’t say any of that. Instead, he sees that David’s hand is reaching out to touch him and he flinches away. “Don’t.” He warns, not knowing what he’ll do if David touches. It was already too much having him standing in front of him looking at him with so much pity.

 _Poor, sad, Matteo,_ he thinks, and he wonders if that’s how David sees him now. Matteo all alone in his empty house because not even his mother wants to be around him anymore.

 _Poor Matteo_ , who wants to be kissed by his best friend who’s with someone that’s not him.

 _Poor pathetic Matteo_ , who foolishly believed that David would be his someday and who chased after him even when David didn’t seem to care that he wasn’t around.

What were his options again? To lie or to cheat? To hide and go against the things he thought he believed in?

Or was there a third option?

Whatever anger he felt was fading away as he went over the options he’d thought up yesterday. David doesn’t say anything and neither does he. 

He looks away from David and watches as the cars pass by and listens to the train in the distance as he thinks it over. 

Once the sound of the train passes, he looks at David again and he feels tired.

“I’m so confused, David.” He whispers.

“Matteo, I–”

“All you’ve done lately is confuse me and I can’t keep doing this with you.” Matteo continues, not letting him speak.

Honestly, it was wishful thinking for him to imagine a scenario where he and David get past this. 

“Doing what?” David asks, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 

The question brings back the anger Matteo was feeling earlier. Was David intentionally being obtuse or did he actually want Matteo to spell it out for him? Did he want him to feel any more stupid than he already did? Was this fun for him?

“This, David!” Matteo half yells as he gestures at the space between them.

“This? What do you mean?” David repeats, flinching at Matteo’s tone.

Matteo looks away again, unable to look at David’s confused expression. Instead, he looks at the cars with people in them that didn’t care that his heart was breaking in his own doorway. At the people passing by on the sidewalk giving them weird looks after Matteo’s yelling.

_Lie, pretend it didn’t happen. Lie, be his secret._

_Is there a third option?_

When he speaks again, he’s made his decision. He meets David’s gaze and holds it, “I think we need to end this here.”

David shakes his head, “Matteo, I don’t understand.”

“Our friendship, David. Whatever _this_ is.” He says, “I think we need to stop.” The words leave his lungs empty and he wants to take them back as soon as they leave his lips, but he doesn’t. He couldn’t do this to himself anymore.

What use was it to have David if he’d never really be his? What use was it to lie to his friends and pretend his heart wasn’t broken when he saw David with someone else?

David made a choice when he chose Leonie, and then he made another when he kissed Matteo. How was Matteo supposed to feel about it all? Why did David have to put Matteo in a situation like that?

David shakes his head and reaches for him again but pulls away before he touches him, “No, no. Matteo, no. You don’t have to do this, there’s no need.”

Matteo says nothing, already feeling his throat tightening up. His hands ball into fists at his sides as he wills himself to not cry. Not yet. Not here in front of David.

“I’m so sorry for what I did, Matteo. I should not have done that; I should’ve stopped myself.” David continues when Matteo doesn’t say anything, “This is my fault, Matteo. I take full responsibility for this and I understand that you’re angry with me but, please, please don’t do this.”

How could David beg him now? How could he not understand the position he put Matteo in? He was taking responsibility but it was too late now.

“It’s not fair, David.” Matteo finally says, the words come out in a whisper and he hears the way they tremble. His composure was failing and he needed to get inside.

“What’s not fair?” David asks, but from the way he looks at Matteo, he can tell that David knows what he means.

It wasn’t fair that David kissed him when he had a girlfriend. It wasn’t fair for David to put Matteo in an uncomfortable situation. It wasn’t fair that he suddenly kissed him after weeks of ignoring him and pushing him away.

“It’s not fair.” Matteo repeats and he backs away. “Goodbye, David.” He says and closes the door, leaving David and his stunned expression on the other side of the doorway.

The day was going too well, everything was working in his favor. The decision he’d been mulling over even presented itself at the perfect time! And now it was over.

Matteo drops his bag on the floor and slowly walks to his room, exhausted.

He falls face-first on his bed and ignores his phone ringing in his pocket. He’s sure it’s David calling. The utter shock that was on his face when Matteo closed the door on him was enough evidence. 

He already wants to run downstairs and take it back but he’s sure that David is gone. 

All he wants to do is sleep and he closes his eyes but his phone just won’t stop. He pulls it out of his pocket and stares at the photo of David on his screen. It rings and rings and rings and then stops. But then it starts up again. When Matteo doesn’t answer, the texts start.

_David (16:02): I’m not leaving_

_David (16:02): Answer me_

_David (16:03): Matteo_

_David (16:03): Matteo_

_David (16:03): Matteo_

_David (16:03): Matteo_

_David (16:03): Matteo_

_David (16:04): Matteo_

_David (16:04): Matteo open the door and talk to me_

_David (16:06): Matteo, please_

Matteo groans when the calls start again and he pushes himself up from his bed and goes back downstairs. 

He sits on the bottom step and looks down at his phone. Should he open the door? 

His phone starts up again and Matteo is quick to cut the call off, cursing himself for not silencing his phone before coming down. He hears shuffling outside the door and he knows David heard him. 

“Matteo?” David says, his voice muffled through the door. 

But Matteo ignores him and turns his phone off. He pushes himself up and walks back to his room. Maybe now David will take the hint and leave. 

When he gets to his bed, he closes his eyes but whatever tiredness he felt wasn’t strong enough to stop his racing mind. 

Was David still outside? He wants to check, but he stops himself. Instead, he quietly goes back downstairs to get his bag and tells himself that he’s most definitely _not_ listening for David outside. He only came down to get his bag and that’s it. 

If David was still outside, well, let him stay there. 

Matteo sits at his desk and distracts himself with copying the notes Amira gave him and when he’s done with it, he’s sure at least half an hour has passed. 

He looks at his phone and frowns, wondering if he could turn it on now. He picks it up and starts it back up, expecting to see a message from David but not one so recent as five minutes ago. 

_David (16:43): I guess you turned your phone off_

_David (16:43): but I’m still here and I’m not leaving until we talk about this_

_David (16:43): I’m not losing you like this_

_David (16:43): not over something so stupid_

Matteo frowns. Something so stupid? Is he serious? 

What was stupid was him leading him on and expecting nothing to happen as a result. 

_David (16:45): please open the door_

Matteo rolls his eyes at the new message, but he gets up and goes downstairs anyway.

When he opens the door, he finds out that David was sitting against it when he falls on his back and lands at Matteo’s feet. If Matteo wasn’t still angry that David hadn’t left, still stung by David calling their situation ‘something stupid’, if this wasn’t as serious as Matteo knew it was, and if it wasn’t obvious that David had been crying, Matteo would’ve laughed.

But this _was_ serious. And David _was_ crying even if he looked funny as he stared wide-eyed at Matteo’s weak glare.

“Why are you still here? I’ve said all I wanted to say.” Matteo breaks the silence, stepping away from him and walking to the kitchen.

David pushes himself up and he hears his footsteps following him. “I didn’t.” 

“What?”

“I didn’t get to say what I wanted to say.” 

Matteo rolls his eyes as he turns to look at him when he gets to his kitchen. He leans against the counter, hoping that David would keep the space between them, but also kinda hoping he won’t. “You’ve had plenty of time to say anything at all to me. Instead, you chose to ignore me.” 

David sighs, nodding. He doesn’t fully enter the kitchen. He chooses to lean against the doorframe, leaving space between them. “You’re right and I’m sorry. But I’m not going to ignore you now, Matteo.” 

Matteo sighs, pushing his hand through his hair. “There’s nothing else to say, David. You should leave.”

David shakes his head, “I’m not leaving.” He takes a deep breath and continues, “What you said before, about ending our friendship, did you mean it?”

His words come back to haunt him and so does David’s expression as they spilled out of his mouth.

_I think we need to stop._

They weren’t set in stone, and he’d regretted them the minute they were spoken, but did he want to take them back now?

“Why should we continue being friends?” Matteo asks him, the anger was still there in his voice but, like before, he could feel himself getting tired. He didn’t like to be angry, not with anyone, but especially not with David. He wasn’t used to feeling these emotions for David. He doesn’t think he ever could get used to it.

“You’re my friend. You’ve been my friend for years, Matteo. We can’t just stop being friends for something like this!”

“Friend?” Matteo scoffs, “Is this how you treat your friends, David?”

“Do you hate me, Matteo?” David asks, completely catching Matteo off guard and ignoring his question. David waits for him to say something but Matteo’s at a loss for words. “I guess that’s a yes,” David mutters, biting down on his lip.

Matteo shakes his head, finally finding his words. “No, David, I don’t hate you.” They come out in a whisper, the exhaustion from before making itself known to both of them now.

Could David tell that Matteo couldn’t take much of this anymore? Was he still going to stay here and talk to him about things he doesn’t have the energy to talk about? Couldn’t he just leave it alone like he’d been doing the last few weeks?

A small smile appears on David’s face and he nods, “Okay.” He pauses as if he was carefully thinking over his next words. “Do you really not want us to be friends?” He asks. 

“No,” Matteo responds honestly, “I don’t want us to be friends.” He keeps his face blank and his voice steady as he watches David react to his words. He wanted so bad to know what he was thinking. 

The smile from before leaves his face almost as quickly as it had appeared, and David nods again, looking away, “Okay.” He says in the tiniest voice Matteo has ever heard him use. If he wasn’t looking right at him and expecting him to say something, he would’ve never caught it. 

David takes a second to collect his thoughts, all the while looking over the kitchen decor Matteo knows he’s probably seen a thousand times. When he looks at Matteo again, his shoulders are set and there’s a determined look in his eyes. 

“I don’t want us to be friends either.” He says and a loud bang sounds through the kitchen as Matteo’s entire body recoils at those words. Neither of them turned to see what he knocked over, instead, Matteo was focusing on keeping his emotions in check while David was waiting for him to say something. 

Matteo takes a deep breath, keeping his eyes on the floor. “Is that it? You just want to repeat my words back to me?” He asks but still doesn’t look up because if he does, he knows he’ll start to cry. He can already feel it building. “Do you think this is funny?”

“No, I don’t.”

“You don’t what?” 

“I don’t think this is funny, Matteo.” 

Matteo rolls his eyes and finally lifts his head, the anger returning. “If you don’t want to be my friend, David, why are you here? I gave you an easy out and _you_ insisted on staying and for what? To tell me the same thing I just told you? Why do you insist on conf–”

“I want to be with you!” 

Matteo chokes on his words, his eyes widening at David’s abrupt confession. He stares at him for a long time, his brain short-circuiting and he can feel his ears getting hot as David quietly watches him. He watches as Matteo’s eyes dart around the room as he thinks of something to say, _anything_ at all to the words that he’s wanted to hear since he realized his feelings for David.

But this wasn’t how he wanted any of this to go. It wouldn’t have been said after he suggested he and David stop being friends, after they kissed and Matteo pushed him away and ignored him for days, and it most definitely wouldn’t have happened with David already having a girlfriend.

Matteo’s brows furrow at the thought. David has a girlfriend. David kissed him. David wants to be with him.

“What?” Matteo finally says. He needs David to elaborate because right now his words weren’t making any sense. Nothing made sense anymore, apparently.

David’s eyes soften as he takes a deep breath and lets it out, “I want to be with you, Matteo.”

Matteo closes his eyes, a sharp pain going through his chest. It was nothing like the ache he was used to feeling. This one was new. This one really hurt. “That’s what I thought you said.”

When he doesn’t say anything after that, David’s voice fills the silence with a simple, “Matteo?”

At the sound of his name, Matteo opens his eyes to look at him. He can feel the frown on his face and the anger that’s slowly making its way through him. What was David doing? “Why are you telling me this now, David?”

“Because you were pushing me away and I didn’t want us to end without you knowing how I feel.” David’s words come out in a rush, “I want to be with you, Matteo.” He says again.

Matteo shakes his head, feeling the anger surface in full force. He takes a few steps until he’s face to face with David and glares at him. “Why are you telling me this now, David?” He asks again, the words coming out through gritted teeth. If it had been any other time, Matteo would’ve laughed at how ridiculous he sounds speaking this way but right now, he’s stopping himself from screaming at David. How could he say this when he knows he’s not available? What is he trying to do to him?

“I just want you to know,” David stutters, his eyes are wide but he doesn’t back down.

“What is knowing going to do for me? Except hurt me?” Matteo asks, “Or what? You think we’ll just be together now?”

David shakes his head, “I don’t want to hurt you, Matteo.” He pauses, “But yes, I would like us to be.”

“You don’t want to hurt me?” Matteo scoffs, “But you would like us to be together?”

He nods and calmly says, “Yes.”

“David, what the fuck? You have a girlfriend.”

He nods again, “Yes.” He says, his tone careful but still calm.

“Are you suggesting we sneak around?” Matteo steps away from him, confusion clouding his mind. This was one of his options, he remembers, but he didn’t think that David would actually suggest it. It was just a fantasy, something he found a little exciting before he remembered Leonie and changed his mind. But now that the opportunity presented itself, would he actually…?

“If that’s what you want.”

Matteo takes another step back, unable to keep the shock off his face. “If that’s what I want?” He shrieks, “Are you serious right now?”

“Why not?” David asks and Matteo would laugh if David didn’t look so serious asking such a ridiculous question.

Matteo ignores him. “Is it what you want, David? You want to sneak around behind Leonie’s back? Leonie your friend, Leonie your _girlfriend_?”

David nods and doesn’t say anything.

“What the fuck?” Matteo whispers and suddenly he can’t look at David anymore. How could he say those things? Who was this person that was standing in front of him saying words like that with such indifference?

“Matteo…” David tilts his head and tries to catch his eye. He wasn’t standing very far so it wasn’t difficult and when their eyes meet, David looks scared and Matteo can’t bring himself to look away. “Do you want to be with me?”

“Yes,” Matteo says, choosing honesty. He didn’t like the way this conversation was heading, but the thought of being with David? It set his heart on fire. Right now, he’s not sure if it’s from happiness or anger. “But I’m not going to be with someone who’s already dating somebody else.”

“Well, then I won’t either,” David says like it’s the most normal and obvious words he could possibly say.

“What?”

“I won’t be with someone who’s already dating somebody else.” He says, looking pointedly at Matteo.

Matteo’s brows come together as he frowns and reaches up to scratch his head, “Okay? I’m confused.”

David scoffs, all the fear and anxiousness from before has apparently gone. “What do you mean you’re confused? What am I saying that’s confusing?”

“You’re saying absolute nonsense, David! That’s what’s so confusing!”

David rolls his eyes and crosses his arm, “Are you purposely acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about, Matteo? I’m trying to be serious here.”

“No! I’m not purposely acting confused, David. _I do not understand what it is you’re trying to say._ ” Matteo says his words slowly, wondering if David got a concussion when he hit his head earlier and it just took a second to take.

“If you want me to break up with Leonie,” David says just as slowly, “then you need to break up with Sara first!”

“Huh?!”

David frowns at Matteo’s reaction and hesitates before he speaks again, “Your girlfriend?”

“My _what_?”

“Sara?” David says, now sounding unsure. “Your girlfriend.” He pauses, “…right?”

Matteo starts to shake his head way before David finishes speaking, absolutely confused by it all. “What?” He asks, “No! Sara likes someone el– why would you think that?”

David’s eyes widen and he shakes his head as he finally understands. He quickly walks over to Matteo and places his hands on his shoulders. “Oh my god! Matteo!” He half shouts and pulls Matteo into his arms. 

Matteo, still confused by everything, stays limp. 

“I’m so sorry!” David continues, “It’s just, you two have been so close recently and I just…assumed.” 

Matteo rolls his eyes and he wants to push David away to see his face, to see if he’s telling the truth. But why would David lie about something like this? Besides, David was holding onto him so tightly he was sure he wouldn’t have the strength to get out of his arms…so he stays but he doesn’t say anything and neither does David.

After a while of silence, David finally loosens his grip and pulls away from the hug. He doesn’t step back or put any space between them. Instead, he rests his forehead against Matteo’s and sighs. “Matteo, I’m so sorry.”

“Wait!” Matteo perks up, realizing what this could mean. He leans away to grin hopefully at David, “Does that mean you’ll break up with Leonie?” 

The red on David’s cheeks were prominent when Matteo finally looked at him, but now he watches as it spreads and when David looks away, he can see that his ears are red too. “Actually…” David says quietly, “we were just pretending to date.”

Matteo blinks and tilts his head and he doesn’t say anything for a long time. 

When his brain finally starts working again, David is staring at him with wide, anxious eyes. 

Matteo’s eyes widen and he steps away from him, not stopping until his back hits the counter. “What?!” He shrieks, frantically shoving his hands into his hair. “Do you have any idea what that lie did to me?”

David has the nerve to look sheepish, and Matteo can’t help it. He pushes himself off the counter and rushes over to David. He holds David’s face softly in his hands as their eyes meet, giving him a chance to pull away. 

When he doesn’t, Matteo presses his lips against David’s and he feels David melt against him.

Whatever anxiety David was feeling earlier, whatever tension was in his body as he waited for Matteo to react to his lie, is gone the moment their lips touch. Matteo wasn’t angry, he wasn’t resentful, and he was _kissing David._ All there was in the kiss was relief.

Matteo feels David’s arms wrap around him again, pulling him closer, and this time when David’s tongue runs across his bottom lip, Matteo eagerly parts his lips and lets David in.

He felt like the world stopped turning when David’s lips were on his, but now when David’s tongue brushed against his, he felt it start back up. Like everything was moving quickly around them but they were there, stuck in the middle of all the chaos, and enjoying every second of it.

He could feel his heart pounding against his chest as David pulls him closer and closer to his body and his hands move from David’s face and into his hair. He grips David’s hair and pulls on it slightly just to hear the sound David made before.

And the kiss, oh _this_ kiss, was just as searing and dizzying as before. But this time there were no lies, no secrets. This should have been their first kiss.

David’s hands make their way up Matteo’s body until they’re cradling Matteo’s face. They don’t want to stop kissing, but they need to breathe. 

David pulls away and rests his forehead against Matteo’s, taking a deep breath. “That,” He exhales, “should have been our first kiss.”

Matteo grins but doesn’t say anything while he waits to get his breathing under control. He runs his fingers through David’s hair, reveling in the softness and the fact that he no longer felt guilty for indulging himself.

“It’s your fault it wasn’t.” He teases David and he laughs when David whines in response, his lips pushing out in a pout.

But Matteo can kiss David now. So, he pushes his lips out and gives him a small peck and then he brings David’s face closer to his and presses small kisses all over his face until David is no longer pouting, but laughing loudly instead. 

And Matteo forgives him, of course, he does.

They stayed in the kitchen a little longer, kissing a few more times and resting their foreheads against each other when they weren’t. 

When David started breaking away from their kissing to yawn, Matteo suggested going upstairs. He’d gotten on his bed first and waited while David excused himself for a second and when he returned, Matteo was waiting for him with open arms.

When they wake up, it’s dark outside and David’s phone is ringing loudly. Matteo was wrapped in David’s arms and he groaned in protest when David pulled away to get his phone from wherever he tossed it when he got to the room.

He hears David silently curse to himself and he opens his eyes just a bit to see what it could be about, but the light from David’s phone is too bright and Matteo closes his eyes again, choosing to ask instead.

“What’s wrong?” He whispers and he feels the arm that’s still around him tighten and then soothingly rub up and down his arm.

“Nothing, it’s just almost midnight and Laura is worried,” David explains as he types away on his phone. Matteo is sure he’s struggling since he’s only using one hand, but he can’t bring himself to release the arm that’s still holding him. He’s too comfortable.

He hums quietly and feels himself drifting again. David was always so warm and Matteo was never strong enough to stay awake when David held him.

After a while, Matteo feels David’s arms wrap around him again and pull him tight against his body. David presses a kiss to his forehead and inhales deeply, “I missed you so much.” David whispers and Matteo feels the butterflies in his stomach awaken at his words.

He takes a second to respond, sure that whatever he says will come out a little too high if he spoke immediately after David did. “I missed you too,” He finally says and he feels David’s grin from his lips that were now on his forehead.

“I’m sorry, again, for assuming.” David sighs, “Imagine all the stress we could’ve avoided if I just spoke up.” He mutters and Matteo chuckles softly.

“Or if I spoke up,” Matteo adds, “I think we’re both at fault here.”

David shifts and now his cheek is resting against Matteo’s forehead, his arms still holding him close but not as tight as before. They’re quiet for a while, listening to the sound of cars passing by outside and each other’s breathing.

David’s eyes are closed and his breathing is steady and Matteo assumes he’s drifting, but he can’t help the quiet laugh that escapes him as a thought comes to mind.

“What’s so funny?” David asks, and his groggy voice confirms Matteo’s suspicions.

“Nothing…” Matteo lies, “let’s go back to sleep.”

David groans quietly and moves his head so he can properly look at Matteo, “Tell me.” He insists, pouting.

Matteo grins at him, “It’s just…I think it’s funny how you thought I started dating someone and I didn’t tell you when I literally tell you everything.”

David stares at him with furrowed brows and his pout in full force, “I said I was sorry.” He shifts until he can push his head into the crook of Matteo’s neck, hiding his face.

Matteo laughs loudly, disturbing the quiet atmosphere they’d been in. He soothingly runs his fingers through David’s hair and softly shakes his shoulders. “I’m not angry or anything, I’m just saying. How could you ever think I’d keep something that big from you?”

David shrugs but doesn’t move from his position, he mumbles something against Matteo’s neck but it tickles and Matteo doesn’t hear anything he says because he’s laughing again.

“What did you say?” Matteo clears his throat and moves away a little bit so when David speaks again, he’s not as affected.

“I said,” David sighs, “it just looked like you really liked her.”

Matteo scoffs, “Did it really? Are you sure?”

David hums, “Yeah, you two were always whispering to each other and giggling. I figured you just wanted to get to know her more so I gave you space.”

Matteo frowns and moves out of David’s arms so he can sit up and look at him, realizing what he means. “Wait – so when you were avoiding me, you were giving me space to _get to know her_?”

David grimaces and nods, mirroring him and sitting cross-legged. “I didn’t want to be in the way!”

Matteo laughs humorlessly, “Every conversation I had with Sara when I realized you were avoiding me, was about you.”

“So, I wasn’t really helping at all?” David asks, lowering his head in shame.

“Not at all,” Matteo laughs, “I was trying to figure out what I did wrong the entire time…and then I confronted you and asked about Leonie and you said you two were together and I figured maybe _you_ wanted space with her.” He sighs and looks away longingly, “Only to find out it was all a lie.” He shakes his head, placing a hand over his heart and exaggerating his pout when he looks at David again.

“Well, I didn’t like your tone when you asked me.” David responds and Matteo gasps.

“You didn’t like my tone?” He scoffs, “That’s all?”

“Yeah, you sounded so judgy as if _you_ weren’t also ditching me to hang out with Sara.”

“Except that I wasn’t!” Matteo quickly retorts.

“Yeah!” David groans, “I know that _now_ but I didn’t know that then!”

“But David,” Matteo shakes his head, pausing as he thinks over his next words. 

They already knew they liked each other, had spent the better part of an hour making out downstairs until they came upstairs and made out some more before they broke apart for air and then fell asleep. Finally at ease _because_ they knew they liked each other. So, wasn’t it time to put all the cards on the table now?

“Hm?” David hums, tilting his head as he waits for Matteo to continue.

Matteo takes a deep breath, “I didn’t think I was being subtle.” He finally says and he feels lighter.

“What do you mean?” David frowns, but his voice is soft. Back to the quiet they were in before.

“I mean…” Matteo’s eyes roam around his room and he brings his thumb up to nervously bite at his nail. “I didn’t think I was being subtle about my feelings for you.” His words come out slightly muffled, but the smile that slowly forms on David’s face tells him that he heard him. 

But still, “What did you say?” David asks, trying and failing to look serious.

“I’m not saying it again.” Matteo mutters, looking away but unable to keep himself from smiling.

David grins and pushes himself on his knees and in Matteo’s space. If he wanted to, he could be sitting in Matteo’s lap with just a small adjustment, but he only keeps their faces close and nothing else. “What did you say?” He asks again, voice low and teasing.

Matteo purses his lip and schools his expression into a more serious one. “I didn’t think I was being subtle about my feelings for you.” He repeats, “I’ve liked you for so long, David.” He adds and he can’t help the wide smile that appears on his lips. “I’m glad I can finally say that now.” David’s answering smile is so bright, Matteo has to close his eyes but he can still see it anyway.

“Me too,” David whispers before his lips are on Matteo’s and they’re falling back onto the bed, with Matteo wrapping his arms around David’s shoulders as their lips move against each other. They can’t keep the smile off their faces and their teeth suffer from their excitement, but none of them stop.

The mood in the room changes from excitement to something else, and Matteo’s hands find their way up David’s shirt and he’s stroking the soft skin. 

David shivers but doesn’t move away, instead, he runs his tongue across Matteo’s bottom lip and Matteo gladly opens up, willing to take whatever David wants to give him.

When David pulls away for air, Matteo chases his lips and gets a few pecks in before he lets him go but already missing the feeling of his lips. 

Matteo flops down on the pillow next to David’s and he grins, reaching out to link their fingers. His cheeks hurt from the amount of smiling he’s done since they cleared everything up, but he can’t bring himself to care.

He never knew he could be this happy until everything he’d wanted to happen actually happened.

David was there, lying beside him, freshly kissed and out of breath.

In the morning when they wake, David would still be there and Matteo might get up and make him breakfast.

Or maybe Matteo wakes him up and insists he helps him in the kitchen, even though he knows David is a disaster when presented with cooking materials, just so he could keep him close.

Or, and more realistically, David would wake up before he did and get them something to eat.

David looks over at Matteo and mirrors his grin. He moves until they’re lying on their sides and gazing at each other, quietly taking each other in with the light provided by the moon.

David leans in and Matteo leans in to meet him in the middle, and they kiss slowly this time. 

There was no rush.

It was just them.

The next morning, David wakes Matteo up by jumping on the bed and pressing his nose against his. He drags him to the kitchen and Matteo groans and complains the entire time, but he’s happy. And when David sits as close to him as possible while they eat, the butterflies attack in the best way.

When they’re finished, they move to the couch because Matteo is too lazy to walk up the stairs. He’s torn between wanting to sleep and enjoying being next to David like this, wrapped up in his arms and feeling the warmth and comfort he missed so much. He was resting on David’s chest, with David’s arms wrapped securely around him so he didn't fall.

He moves his face closer to David’s neck and inhales deeply, filling his senses with his scent and feeling more at ease than he’s felt the entire time they’d been apart. “This is good,” Matteo mutters suddenly when he presses a kiss to David’s neck, disturbing the quiet that had fallen over them.

“What is?” David whispers, turning his head to press his lips against Matteo’s forehead.

He can’t help the smile that appears and he can even hear it in his voice when he responds, “This.” He whispers, “Here.” He sighs and lifts his head to look at David properly, “Everything.”

David’s eyes stay on him for a long time, looking at him like he’s never seen him before. When Matteo opens his mouth to jokingly ask him if something was on his face, the words are lost in his throat as David flips them and Matteo is on his back looking up at a grinning David.

“What…?” Matteo starts to say, but he’s cut off by David’s lips smashing against his. Before he has a chance to react, David is moving away and pressing tiny kisses all over his face and Matteo is laughing and hoping they don’t fall off the couch.

When David finishes the attack on his face, he pulls away just enough to look into his eyes. “You are so cute, you know that?” He asks Matteo, “Also, you’re as red as a tomato right now.”

Matteo rolls his eyes and looks away, but he can’t keep his eyes off of David for too long and soon he’s looking at him again. “You’re red too, just not tomato.” He mumbles quietly, prompting David to attack him with kisses again.

“The cutest tomato,” David says when he pulls away again and Matteo’s grin hurts his cheeks but it didn’t matter because David thought he was cute.

After a while, silence fills the room again and Matteo is sure David is asleep on top of him. He’s running his fingers through his hair and feeling himself drifting when David’s phone starts to ring. Matteo sighs, wanting to ignore it, but knowing he shouldn’t. Especially since it wasn’t like it was far away.

“Hey David, your phone is ringing.” Matteo shakes his shoulder.

“Just ignore it,” David mutters. He doesn’t open his eyes, instead, he lightly rubs his face against Matteo’s chest, exactly like a cat would, until he’s comfortable.

Matteo waits to see if David will get up and answer it, but when it’s on the fourth ring and he doesn’t stir again, Matteo reaches out for it to silence it. When he looks at the screen, he freezes.

The image of David and Leonie appears from that night they’d snuck out of the party and Matteo can’t help the jealousy that rushes through him. He knew now that whatever relationship they had was fake, but the image of Leonie kissing David’s cheek that day in the cafeteria, and when David kissed hers, is still vivid in his mind.

There was also the fact that they were seen making out in his house, probably in this very room, the night this picture was taken.

He stares at the picture until the call stops and the screen blacks out, but the feeling won’t leave him. There was no reason for him to be jealous. They were never together! But he feels so weird, knowing that David and Leonie had shared a kiss. No matter what kind it was.

“Hey,” David grumbles, lifting his head to sleepily glare at him. “Why did you stop playing with my hair? It was really nice.”

Matteo forces a smile on his face and resumes running his fingers through David’s hair, but he can’t push the feeling away. He tries to think of something else as he feels David’s breathing slow. He thinks of the warmth coming from David’s body and the way having him there made him feel like he was one with the couch. 

David, his personal weighted blanket. David, who said everything with Leonie was fake. David, who attacks Matteo with kisses because he thinks he’s cute.

Matteo had no reason to be jealous.

So, he pushes the thoughts away and feels himself relax. And soon, he’s dreaming about the boy that was sleeping on him.

Later that day, Laura calls David to ask him if he was coming home. They were on the couch, having just woken up. It wasn’t too late, but it was surprising how long they’d slept.

Now, though, David was sitting up and talking to Laura while Matteo hung off his shoulder, still half asleep. It was so much better to sleep almost the entire day away with someone than it was when he was sleeping alone to avoid thinking.

When David turned to Matteo and asked him if he wanted to stay over at his place tonight instead, Matteo was quick to agree. 

“Laura wants to know if you want anything specific for dinner,” David asks him after he tells Laura that they’ll be coming home.

Matteo, stunned by David basically saying that his home is also Matteo’s, takes a second to respond. “I’ve got a craving for lasagna.” He finally says and David nods as he relays the message.

After a few seconds of Laura speaking, David rolls his eyes and pulls the phone away from his ear. “Hold on, I’m putting you on speaker. I’m not saying all of that.”

“Matteo!” Laura shouts through the phone and Matteo chuckles quietly at how panicked she sounds and at David’s exasperated sigh. “Why do you have to crave food I have to make? Why can’t you just say Thai food and leave it at that?”

“Well, I never said that _you_ had to make it.” Matteo points out, “I’ll make it! Do you have the ingredients?” He asks. Soon, he’s hearing Laura rummage through the cabinets, grumbling to herself.

“Yeah, I have everything.” Laura finally says, “How long until you get here? Should I preheat the oven?”

“Uh,” David looks at the time and then at Matteo, “probably thirty minutes?”

Matteo nods, “Thirty minutes. Yeah, go ahead and get things started and when I get there, we can make it together. I’m sure you’ve missed cooking with me.” Matteo says cheekily, knowing that Laura is rolling her eyes while he speaks.

“Yeah, whatever.” She says before she hangs up, making them both laugh.

Matteo stretches before he rushes upstairs and pushes some clothes into his bag, making sure to grab his notes so that he can work on them when he’s at David’s. He still wants to pass his exams and he doesn’t want Amira to tell him he’s slacking off just because he has a boyfriend now.

But was David his boyfriend now? Matteo frowns, thinking over their conversations since last night. They never explicitly stated anything and Matteo never thought to ask. It felt like David was his boyfriend, though. 

He zips his bag up, deciding he was going to get an answer now before he started overthinking everything. So far, he knew they liked each other but there was no clarity? What would Matteo call David if someone asked?

David was leaning against the front door, looking at his phone and smiling quietly at whatever he was watching when he got downstairs.

“What should I call you if someone asks?” Matteo immediately asks when he gets to him, not wanting to waste any time.

He watches as David’s eyes widen with confusion and then amusement before he teasingly says, “Call me David.” 

Matteo rolls his eyes, “You know I don’t mean it that way.” 

David mimicked his eye roll, still teasing him. “Who’s gonna ask?”

“I don’t know? Maybe one of our friends?” He watches as David pretends to think, even going so far as to tap his chin in thought. It was cute. But Matteo didn’t want cute right now, he wanted answers. “Are we boyfriends?” He asks. 

David frowns, looking his face over and then nodding slowly. “Yes.” He pauses before adding, “Well, _I’d_ say we are. What about you?”

“Yes!” Matteo quickly responds. “I just wanted to make sure. We never clarified it last night.”

“You don’t think us making out in your kitchen and in your bed was enough clarification?” David asks, looking stunned.

Matteo shakes his head, “No. We’ve spent weeks dancing around questions we should’ve been asking each other and never did.” He reminds him seriously. “I don’t want to be uncertain when it comes to you anymore.”

David nods and Matteo is glad he isn’t teasing him again. “I don’t either.”

Matteo reaches out and gives him a quick, relieved, kiss. He takes a step back and a deep breath, preparing for round two. “So now that we’re past that, I have another question to ask.”

David’s brows come together in confusion but he nods again, “Go ahead.”

“Did you ever like Leonie?”

“No!” He quickly responds, reaching out to wrap his arms around Matteo’s waist. “Everything was fake from the beginning.” David tells him, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“Did you not kiss her?” Matteo asks, peering at him questionigly and David flinches at his words. 

He nods meekly, eyes not meeting Matteo’s. “I’m sorry about that.” He says quietly. 

Matteo shakes his head, not wanting this conversation to turn into something it wasn’t. He didn’t want to fight with David and he didn’t want to make David think he didn’t believe him. He just needed to be sure.

“Why did you kiss her?”

David shrugs slowly, looking around the room as he thinks.“The kiss – it was a distraction.” He finally says, letting their eyes meet again. “You were with Sara and I was sad and Leonie offered.”

“That’s it?” Matteo asks and David nods.

Matteo thinks his words over, remembering the times he saw them together and the times he and David spent together. “Wait–” He laughs suddenly and David frowns, confused by his sudden change of emotion.

“What is it?”

Matteo face palms and shakes his head, still laughing. “So that’s why you never mentioned her when we were together! I thought it was weird that you wouldn’t be talking about your girlfriend to me, but I didn’t mind so I never brought it up.”

David grins, “You know, I realized that last night.” He says and when Matteo tilts his head in confusion, he laughs and continues. “I noticed you never mentioned Sara. Actually, literally, _no one_ ever mentioned Sara the entire time I was panicking about you two being together.” He shakes his head in disbelief, “If I had asked anyone, not just you, literally _anyone_ , I would have avoided so much stress.”

Matteo shakes his head, “Maybe Amira is on to something when she calls me an idiot.” He pouts, “She never calls you an idiot, though.”

“Maybe she should start to.” David says and he laughs and its music to Matteo’s ears. He can’t hold back the smile that appears and he wraps his arms around David’s shoulder, nuzzling their noses together.

“So, _boyfriend_ ,” Matteo teases, “should we go? Laura might kill us if we’re late.”

“Okay,” David grins at his words, pressing one quick kiss to Matteo’s lips before pulling away. 

When they’re outside, and after Matteo makes sure the door is locked, he turns and reaches his hand out, palm up, looking expectantly at David.

David’s eyes travel from his face and down to his open palm, smiling shyly as he interlocks their fingers.

“Let’s go home, _boyfriend._ ” He says. 

They were late getting back home, but Laura took one look at their joined hands and pulled them both into a hug like she usually does before pulling them inside and scolding them for being late. 

It was nice. Everything was back to normal now, only with an added bonus of David being his boyfriend. 

Matteo missed cooking with Laura, and it was clear that she did too with how close she stuck by him while they fixed everything up. 

David, too, didn’t stray too far from them. He offered to help but Laura was quick to shoot it down, insisting that it was her turn to spend time with Matteo. His chest had swollen with such pride at her words, it didn’t matter if she was just teasing David. He knew she meant it.

When the food was finished, they took to the living room to eat and sit around the coffee table to catch up.

They filled Laura in on the embarrassing and confusing ordeal that was their last few weeks as they ate. She’d been on Matteo’s side, in the end, and had suggested David look into writing stories since his imagination was so wild.

“I should tell you, Matteo,” Laura was saying as she poured herself a glass of wine. Dinner was done now and she was sitting on the couch while Matteo was leaning his entire body weight on David and sitting comfortably between his legs on the floor.

“I don’t actually have a nap buddy. We were talking about you that night you walked in.”

Matteo gapes at her and then turns his head to look at David, “What?”

David looks away and doesn’t say anything, but they could see his ears turning red.

“Yeah,” Laura continues, laughing. “I was telling him about that time I caught you two asleep in each other’s arms.”

Matteo’s attention snaps back to her and he feels his cheeks and ears burning at her words. When he spoke again his voice was barely a whisper. “You saw that?” He asked her and her laugh was enough confirmation.

“Were you trying to hide it or something?” She asks anyway, and Matteo feels David shake with laughter at the way his body tenses up.

“She’s just jealous,” He says and he ignores Laura when she sticks her tongue out at them. David sighs and nuzzles his face into Matteo’s neck. “You’re a tomato again.” He adds, whispering in his ear so Laura doesn’t hear.

Matteo elbows him lightly and pretends to pull away from him, but David pulls him tightly against his chest and Matteo is weak-willed and sleepy so he gives up.

Despite the fact that they napped earlier and slept almost the entire night before, Matteo is yawning and feeling his limbs getting heavier as the time passes. He’s barely listening to David and Laura while they talk to each other, only hearing a few words that he guesses are related to Laura’s job.

When his head lolls to the side and jerks him awake, stopping David and Laura’s conversation, Laura decides it’s time for them to all go to sleep.

He follows David to his room in a daze and waits patiently as David gets ready for bed, not wanting to fall asleep until David is next to him and he can cuddle into his side.

The time on his phone says 23:29 and he’s shocked to realize that this was the first time in weeks he’s actually going to bed at a reasonable time. He chuckles quietly to himself and sets his phone aside when David finally joins him.

“What’s so funny?” David asks him, a smile playing on his lips.

Matteo shakes his head, “Not really funny, just a little weird.” He allows David to pull him close and sighs happily when his arms are around him again. “I’ve just been having trouble sleeping and literally now I can barely keep my eyes open and it’s not even midnight.”

David huffs out a laugh and begins to softly run his fingers through Matteo’s hair. “Me too,” He confesses and Matteo lifts his head to look at him. “Being without my nap buddy was not fun.” He pulls Matteo up a little and kisses his nose. “I’m glad you’re with me now, though.”

They’re quiet for a while when a thought comes to Matteo. Before he even has a chance to think it over, to stop himself from saying it, he suddenly blurts, “I love you.”, leaving them both stunned. “I just– I thought you should know.” He adds quietly.

David stares at him and Matteo wonders if this was too soon.

No, he’s _sure_ this was too soon but he didn’t really care. Not if David said it back to him.

David rolls them over so that he’s hovering over Matteo and looking seriously into his eyes.

He presses a kiss to Matteo’s nose before moving to press loud wet kisses to his cheeks that make an embarrassing half squeal, half laugh escape from Matteo’s throat. David ignores it and moves on to kiss his forehead and his chin. When their lips are barely brushing against each other, he whispers, “I love you, too.”

Matteo beams at him, sure that even in the darkness, David can see how red his face is. But he doesn’t care. He wouldn’t even care if Laura walked in on them right now. His heart is so full and David is laying on him like he’s his own personal blanket and David just told him that he loves him too.

After so much time wondering if they could ever become something more than friends, he’s here.

With David.

All the pining, all the confusion, all the sadness forgotten when David finally, _finally_ , seals their confession with a kiss.

_• • •_

Sunday went by quickly, and soon it’s Monday and they’re back in school for their last few days.

Matteo is resting his head on David’s shoulder while he waits for Jonas to get there so they can walk to their first class together.

It felt weird to be sitting so close to Matteo, but also it felt so right. He didn’t expect to feel this sort of relief and comfort being Matteo’s boyfriend. He’s not sure what he expected, but whatever it was it was exceeded.

David was looking over his exam schedule, mapping the days he’d have to spend a considerable number of hours away from Matteo so he’d at least get some studying done.

It had already been decided that he would be spending his study sessions with Leonie, but he didn’t like the fact that he would be missing precious hours with Matteo in the process. It sucked, but he knew that once the exams were over, he’d have a few weeks to be with him until it was time to start Uni. He would treasure their days together, no matter how mundane they were.

“Hi,” A voice says above them, and David is taken out of his thoughts when he recognizes it as Leonie.

He looks up, ready to greet her and see her reaction to seeing him and Matteo so close. He’s already let her in on their updated status, and she’d reacted almost as happy and excited as he was, but he knew that hearing about it and seeing it was two different things.

He meets her eyes with a wide smile on his face, but before he can even ask her how she is, he immediately notices that something is different.

Beside her stood Sara, a little bit too close than he was used to seeing. She was holding onto Leonie’s hand and visibly blushing.

David smiles at them and he wonders if he looks as curious as he feels. He knew that Leonie had feelings for Sara, but did their joined hands mean that the feeling was mutual and they were together now? That everything worked out? And if so, when did it happen? And, he selfishly wondered, why wasn’t he told about it?

Matteo, who had his eyes closed this entire time, finally looks up at them and David feels him tense at his side and presses himself closer to him when he notices Leonie. A pang of guilt travels through him, knowing that Matteo is remembering the last few weeks he believed he and Leonie were together, but whatever Matteo was feeling that made him tense up quickly faded away when he noticed Sara and Leonie’s interlocked fingers.

“Sara?” Matteo says, the question clear.

“Matteo,” Sara responds, nodding once.

Her response would’ve been considered normal, no one would’ve batted an eye, if she wasn’t beaming so brightly at Matteo. David can’t help but feel a little jealous at the secret conversation Matteo and Sara seem to be having, but he pushes it away when his eyes meet Leonie’s.

He looks at her for an explanation, but she only shrugs and David takes notice of the fact that she had the same smile on her face as Sara’s and that was enough for him. As long as his friend was happy, he was happy.

Jonas arrives soon after, and Leonie promises to see them at lunch before she’s dragged to class by a still smiling and blushing Sara.

“Did you know?” David asks Matteo as they follow Jonas to Matteo’s class.

“Ya,” Matteo says quietly so Jonas doesn’t hear. “Did you?”

“Not about them being together, but their feelings for each other?” He scoffs, “It’s not like they were being subtle.”

“You weren’t either,” Jonas says to them when they get to their class.

“Hm?” Matteo hums and Jonas rolls his eyes. David pretends he doesn’t understand what Jonas means, but he’s sure he’s failing.

“You two weren’t subtle about your feelings for each other.” Jonas says, “I’m glad you worked it out.” He turns to David, “I almost took him to the gym with me because he was sulking about you so much.”

Matteo scoffs and shakes his head, “I was– I was _not_ sulking over David!”

Jonas rolls his eyes, “If you were Pinocchio, your nose would be like 10 feet long right now.” He says, and he walks into the classroom before Matteo can say anything to defend himself.

Matteo turns his incredulous eyes to David and all David wants to do is kiss his nose. So, he does.

He leaves a nice wet kiss on Matteo’s nose that has Matteo groaning in disgust and pulling away from him to wipe it away. Matteo is laughing, though, and hearing him makes David’s heart soar.

On Wednesday, David rushes out of his last class. It ran a bit longer than expected because his teacher had gotten a bit emotional and none of the students could find a way to escape the class without setting her off even further. It was weird, but at least it would make for a good story down the line.

Once free, he quickly makes his way through the remaining students, apologizing to those he accidentally hits with his bag and hopes that he doesn’t offend any of them enough for them to actually express any sort of annoyance or anger to him. 

He was on a mission.

When he gets to the front doors, he’s glad to find them open and with little traffic going through.

He quickly exits and relief courses through his body when he spots Matteo on their bench. He knew that there was no way Matteo was going to leave him here at the school, no matter how long he took, but it was still nice to see that he was still there, waiting for him.

David didn’t want to waste any more time. He’d already spent extra minutes in his last class that he didn’t have to, and now he was so close to beginning the Summer with Matteo to wait any longer. 

He felt the skip in his step as he made his way over to him and when he was in Matteo’s field of vision, his heart fluttered when he turned to look at him, already smiling.

“Hi,” Matteo greets him sheepishly, and David has to stop himself from attacking him with kisses right there. Matteo was just too cute sometimes for his own good.

“Hi.” He says in response instead and reaches his hand out for Matteo to take.

Matteo doesn’t hesitate and he quickly links their fingers. “You’re late,” Matteo teases. “I don’t pay the monthly bus fee just to not use it, you know?”

David rolls his eyes and nods, “Yeah, yeah.” He says and he lets Matteo pull him along. He can’t keep the smile off his face, not even when they get on the bus. He wonders, just for a second, if the people on the bus can tell how happy he was.

When Matteo rests his head on David’s shoulder, David’s entire body relaxes. 

This was it for him, he realizes. 

The comfort of having Matteo’s body leaning against his and knowing that the way he felt about Matteo was reciprocated. Well, how much better could it get?

He gives Matteo’s hand a squeeze and delights in the way Matteo immediately squeezes back. 

He remembers his dream from all those weeks ago when he begged for Matteo’s attention. When his hope for anything happening between them was almost nonexistent.

 _Pick me, choose me, love me_ , he wished.

And Matteo did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- this was a gift for [@saddergaze](https://sadder-gaze.tumblr.com/) that took way too long to finish lol but I hope you enjoyed the ride!  
> \- thank you to my wonderful beta, [Renee](https://saybiforme.tumblr.com/), who reads everything I send her and answers all my questions <333  
> \- special shoutout to [@yadomik](https://yadomik.tumblr.com/). thank you for helping me with this fic! 
> 
> thank you to everyone who read, commented, and sent kudos <3 I'll see y'all on the next one! :)

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what y’all think! comments are welcomed! ☺️  
> i am [superdanys](https://superdanys.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if y’all wanna chat  
> 


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